Este es el último cap de esta historia que tengo escrito, pero ya estoy empezando el siguiente c: Así que por el momento subiré las otras cosas que no he subido aquí, porque yolo XD Y veré si hago comentarios de los caps del anime, así como hacía antes, solo porque es TOG y me agrada tener comentarios de eso XD También quiero leer de nuevo el manhwa, porque quiero ver las diferencias que hayan con el anime, y también porque me sirve para poder escribir mejor, y así tal vez hasta saque más ideas para escribir (como si necesitara más weas acumuladas que no escribo nunca D: XD). Y obvio que porque simplemente me gusta y quiero leerlo de nuevo XD
*****
Heritage of Desire
by RPMizu
Chapter 4: “Watery honey”
“Then what does it mean? Please, I need to know.”
Viole’s soft plea takes Wangnan out of his self-deprecating thoughts. Those golden eyes, thankfully now uncovered by those damned long bangs, are filled with determination and curiosity, and are looking directly into Wangnan’s own eyes. But what can he say? For what it sounds like, Viole does not even know much about love and relationships, so anything Wangnan says could be difficult to understand for Viole. He scratches the back of his head nervously, averting his gaze from the pure-hearted creature in front of him.
“Ahmm… what do you think?” That is the most irresponsible answer he could mutter, but is the only thing he could say to gain more time to think it through.
Viole flinches a little at the answer, then looks down as if in deep thought, the ever serious expression still on his face. “Well, Rachel said that kisses are a gesture of affection.”
Rachel? That is the first time he has heard Viole talk about someone from his past. A teammate from his old group? Or perhaps someone from FUG? Wangnan wants to ask, but it feels intrusive and not appropriate to interrupt his thoughts right now. Still, it fills him with curiosity; he always wanted to know more about Viole. However, it also makes him feel another, less pleasant emotion, especially because of the tenderness but also the sadness that enveloped Viole’s voice when he said that name. There is also the way he did not address her with honorifics, as he does with absolutely everyone else. Who is she?
Wangnan shakes his head mentally, trying to concentrate in what Viole is saying, and not in his lingering feelings of… jealousy? That is probably what it is. It is not serious though, but is indeed interfering in his attention towards the situation at hand. “And that person is right. Most kisses mean affection.”
“But these kisses you have given me are different from what I know. Rachel and Mr. Khun have always kissed me on the forehead, not the lips.”
Viole’s fingers move seemingly unconsciously to his own lips, tracing them slowly, and Wangnan feels yet again the piercing stab of guilt at his confusion. Still, those words also make Wangnan sigh in relief. There is another name now in the equation, and it seems both of them are really important for Viole, but also both of them have only kissed him on the forehead. Wangnan wants to think this is because Viole is so cute, and maybe these people saw him as a little brother or something like that. Wangnan hopes that is the case, to let subside his growing jealousy. And that would mean he is the only one crazy enough to kiss Viole without him even knowing what romantic kisses are. Therefore, he is the only one that has been utter trash. Not a very comforting thought.
“Well, yeah, it is a little different, isn’t it?” Wangnan tries to laugh it off, still averting his eyes from Viole.
But Viole has other plans. He tugs at Wangnan’s shirt with one hand, still looking down but effectively making Wangnan look at him. “I know Mr. Khun cared about me, that he saw me like a friend… maybe like family.”
And that girl Rachel? Wangnan wants to ask, since it seems Viole purposefully did not mention her. However, the words do not come out yet again. Viole sounds so sad, and Wangnan is not sure if it is because he misses his comrades, or if there is something else. So he keeps quiet and lets Viole continue.
“You said… if I were your friend. Then you called me your friend. Would you like to be my friend, Mr. Wangnan? Is that it?” What? What is Viole talking about? Oh, yeah, that night. The night of that first kiss, when he confessed he would be willing to give his life for someone so kind like Viole. How embarrassing, it really felt like a confession. But apparently Viole did not even take it as that, he did not even think they are already friends. “You shouldn’t want that, Mr. Wangnan…”
“Man, Viole, we are already friends. We all are. The team decided to go up the Tower with you. We won’t leave you alone even if it kills us.”
Viole’s eyes look even bigger now, looking at Wangnan with pure surprise. What? Is it really that surprising? Well, Viole did not think he was friends with Wangnan; of course he is surprised this extended to his whole team. And those big, golden eyes do not only look astounded, they look… watery. Like he is about to cry at any minute. And Wangnan is delighted by how many emotions Viole is starting to show, even if he is still serious and silent as heck.
“Really? But that is…” Viole’s hands clutch at both Wangnan’s shirt and the bed sheets beneath him, and he averts his gaze once more, letting the bangs cover his crystalline eyes. “That is because you don’t know in how much danger you are into, if you are with me…”
“Oh, we know.” That makes Viole look at him again, still with that surprised and teary look. “I talked with Hwaryun, the guide from FUG, and she told me your story. You want to go back to your friends, right?” Viole nods and swallows slowly, this time not breaking eye contact. “I already told this to everyone, and they are just as committed as I am into helping you get back with them. I already said it to your Master too. We are not backing out even if he tries to stop us. You can be sure of it.”
A soft whimper comes out of Viole, which takes Wangnan off guard, but it is Viole’s next action what completely throws him off. Viole is now hugging Wangnan tightly, his face buried in Wangnan’s chest. And he can only hug Viole back, wrapping his arms around that slightly trembling figure, and petting the disheveled chestnut hair.
“I’m sorry…” he hears Viole mutter against his shirt. It does not feel wet, so Viole is not crying, but his voice sounds weak and shattered. “I know I shouldn’t keep you guys by my side, but I… I don’t want to be alone.”
Wangnan’s mouth contorts into a warm smile. He knew Viole felt alone, he was right. This boy only wants to go back to the people he loves and for whom he is sacrificing himself day after day. “You don’t have to apologize. Say thank you instead, because of how amazing our team is. We might not be the strongest, but we are fully committed to you.”
“Thank you…” he now hears, in the same weak but now glad tone of voice.
So Wangnan lets Viole hug him for as long as he wants, petting his head almost unconsciously. Viole feels so warm against him; it is somewhat distracting, but also incredibly comfortable. He could drown himself in the sensation.
He does not know how many minutes passed by with them hugging like that. Any amount would seem too little. He would want this to never end, if possible. It is probably the time he has felt the most comfortable in his entire life, but most importantly, Viole seems to be feeling safe too. So this should not end. Viole deserves every minute of peace he can get.
However, it is Viole himself the one who breaks contact, if only slightly. No, don’t move, keep resting your head on my chest., Wangnan cannot help mentally grumbling. Still, Viole only moved so he can stare at Wangnan’s face directly. His hands remain at Wangnan’s chest, tugging just a bit at his shirt. Those precious eyes are once again a little covered by the long bangs, but to Wangnan’s delight, they are still fairly visible. They are still a little watery, and are looking directly into his own eyes.
After a few seconds of only staring at each other in silence, Viole whispers something almost inaudible. “Sorry, Viole, did you say something?”
Then something happened that made Wangnan’s heart stop for a moment, and then race uncontrollably: Viole’s cheeks get a little rosy, and he is still looking directly at him with those big, honey-colored eyes. “...Aren’t you going to do it?” The whisper is still pretty soft, but Wangnan thinks he heard correctly this time. But do what exactly? Jeez, he could do so many different things to Viole right now, that is for sure, but all of them are extremely inappropriate. “You aren’t?”
Whatever the case, Viole wants Wangnan to do something, and he is looking excruciatingly tempting right now. What will you do, Wangnan? You know you have to control yourself.
“What-?”
But he could not finish his sentence, because the door of Viole’s room opens up suddenly and with a loud thud. Fortunately, Wangnan’s reflexes kick in on time, and he distances himself from Viole before anyone can see them in that compromising position. Unfortunately, and on the other hand, he kind of shoved Viole back without any warning, so he looks deeply confused by his actions, almost offended. Wah, sorry, baby, but how would I explain why we were hugging? ...Did I just call him baby? Wangnan scratches the back of his head nervously, trying to apologize to Viole without words. He seems to understand, or at least he does not look upset anymore, just confused. Wangnan lets out a sigh of relief.
That is when two girls enter the bedroom, seemingly too distracted with their own conversation to notice the strange atmosphere inside. Yihwa is carrying a medical kit (for what purpose, Wangnan does not know, because Viole’s injuries healed on the first day), and both she and Miseng are dressed up as nurses. It is a fairly cute sight, and it is all for Viole. Wangnan hopes Viole can understand how much he is being loved by his comrades.
Upon seeing Viole there, awake and well, both girls seem to be in shock, just looking at him wide-eyed. “Mr. Viole! You woke up!”
Yihwa is the first one to react and speak up, but Miseng is faster in actually reaching out to him. She runs towards the bed and launches herself into Viole’s arms, hugging him tightly. “I-I’m so glad you are awake, Mr. Viole…! S-Sorry for…” She is obviously crying. Her voice gets caught up in her throat, and she has to fight the sobs to speak properly. “I’m sorry for being such a burden all the time…”
Viole, on his part, seems to be fighting some urge too, but its is to smile warmly. Wangnan can already identify when he is trying hard to be cold on the outside, and it upsets him. He wants Viole to know he does not have to pretend to be distant and unfeeling in front of them. He wants Viole to feel safe around them, just like he seemed to be feeling just now, when they were hugging. Now it feels like they have taken a step back. Well, at least he must be happy, if he is trying not to smile.
And even though he is trying not to show it, Viole still pets Miseng’s head carefully, as if he cannot help letting some of his true nature slip through. And Miseng just hides her teary face against Viole’s lap, refusing to look up. She is probably feeling too guilty, and too ashamed to even look at Viole. Wangnan knows it because, even if he knows Miseng is not in the wrong and it was all an accident, he would be feeling the same if he was in her shoes.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to worry so much. See? I’m good now.” Viole’s voice sounds plain, but Wangnan knows better. He must be trying hard to sound like that.
“But… but…” Miseng decides to look up then, with her face all covered in tears. “It’s still my fault…!”
“Shhh…” Viole grabs her from bellow her arms and lifts her, so she can sit on his lap. Then he proceeds to pet her hair once more. “Forget it, okay? I’m glad you are safe.”
At that, Miseng shows a teary, but bright smile she has not showed at all in the last few days, and kisses Viole on the forehead. God, they look so cute, Wangnan’s heart skips a beat. “I’m too… I’m glad you are safe, Mr. Viole.”
“Ah…” Viole looks astounded, however. That makes Wangnan’s face burn. He is obviously thinking about the conversation they just had about kisses. Wangnan is sure it is that, because Viole is now looking directly at him. “Mr. Wangnan?”
Luckily, he is saved by Yihwa, who interrupted the embarrassing question Viole was probably going to ask. “Jeez, you really made us worry, Mr. Viole.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, and she puffs her cheeks, as she does every time she is about to say something that embarrasses her and does not want to acknowledge. “I’m also glad you are okay.”
“Thank you, Ms. Yihwa.” The softness in Viole’s voice seems to have made her heart race a little, just as it did with Wangnan’s, because her face is all red and she is trying hard to avert her gaze.
Wangnan cannot help laughing a bit at her evident reaction, gaining a really pissed off look from Yihwa. Whatever, he simply lets her burn him with her eyes, and moves closer to Viole and Miseng, who are still hugging in a very cute way.
“Everyone is happy that you are okay now, Viole.” Is it Wangnan’s impression, his self-indulgent brain playing tricks on him, or is really Viole smiling at him? It is faint, but he thinks its there. Wah, so cute. “W-Why-”
Wangnan gulps hard, trying to regain his composure and speak properly. Come on, don’t be so affected every time Viole does something cute. You won’t live much if you continue reacting this way. Specially since he is discovering that it is not that Viole does cute things; he is cute. Everything about him is cute, even though he works so hard to hide it.
Again, Wangnan shakes his head, trying to disperse the stupid thoughts in his mind. “Why don’t you come greet everyone? They will be delighted to see you are up again.”
Viole nods slowly and takes the hand Wangnan offers.
Everyone was thrilled to see Viole up and well. Prince even launched himself into Viole’s arms, completely ignoring the fact that he just woke up from a coma and he could be hurting or something, and he cried and sobbed uncontrollably, in a much less graceful way than Miseng. His snot dirtied Viole’s pajamas, but he did not seem to care. The children definitely like Viole very much.
Then everyone talked about Viole’s situation. And after being encouraged by Wangnan and everyone else, Viole agrees to tell them a bit about himself. “I owe that to you all.” He said, with a firm voice and determination flaming in his golden eyes.
So he told them he was once called Twenty-Fifth Baam, and that he was assumed dead six years ago, on the Floor of Tests. All because of FUG, because they wanted an irregular among their slayers. That is also what Hwaryun told Wangnan, and what he informed to the rest of the team, but this time Viole was present to see that everyone in their team is okay with all of this, and agreed to stay by side and help him get back to his friends. Two years, that is how much time they would need, according to the guide. In two years, Viole would be back with his original team, if they all collaborate. And they will do it. This new family Wangnan has found will do whatever it takes to help each other, and that includes Viole. He is as much part of the family than any of them.
And Viole allows himself to smile in front of them, sincerely, warmly. A smile that lights up the room, and honey eyes that sparkle like they are holding back tears of gratitude.
*****
And so time passed by, and it felt like everyday Wangnan fell more and more in love with Viole. That is an issue, he knows that, because each passing day is one day closer to the end of his time with him. Only two years; the words of the FUG guide torture him almost everyday. However, he is also doing his best to forget that fact, and spend the time he has left the best way he can. Everyday he trains with his team, and everyday they do silly stuff together. It feels like Heaven, to have a family in which everybody cares for each other like this. Even though he knows most of them are still keeping secrets, they are getting to know each other too, at least in the mundane things. But those are just as important, are they not?
But most important of all, or at least to Wangnan, is that he has the chance to know more about Viole. One thing he already assumed about Viole is that he cared deeply for his previous team, since he is sacrificing himself everyday to keep them away from harm, but he is still surprised by how much they mean to him.
For example, one day, Wangnan is helping Viole in cleaning up his and Yihwa’s room, and he finds something that catches his attention. It is a somewhat old ball of paper, right beside Viole’s pillow. Unable to keep his curiosity at bay, Wangnan rises an eyebrow as he picks it up.
“Viole, what is this wrinkled piece of paper? Do you want me throw it away?”
To his surprise, Viole reacts immediately. Wangnan does not have time to smooth it out and see its contents, because Viole has already grabbed the sheet of paper from Wangnan’s hands and is squeezing it against his own chest. “No!!” Then his cheeks turn a little pink, and, for Wangnan, it is the cutest thing ever. “Ah… sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay. Want to tell me about it?” Wangnan is already used to sit on whatever he has near him (sofa, bed or even the floor) and pat by his side to tell Viole to sit beside him. And Viole does exactly that.
Viole seems dubious at first, but then nods slowly, though he is avoiding Wangnan’s gaze. “It’s an assignment from when I was on the Floor of Tests. The teachers asked the Scouts to gather friends to sign their sheet. It wasn’t my assignment, because I’m a Wave Controller, but because I didn’t have any friends until then, I wanted to do it too.”
As he speaks in a quiet tone, Viole plays with his fingers, intertwining them, letting them loose and then repeating the action over and over again. Wangnan has learned Viole does this when he is nervous, and Wangnan finds it adorable, to say the least.
Wangnan is a little hesitant to ask, but he does so anyway. The curiosity is killing him. “Can you show it to me?”
The team Viole misses so much, what kind of people are they?
Unexpectedly, Viole hands it over without resistance. “Here.” Maybe Viole really trusts Wangnan, and that possibility makes him grin like an idiot.
Stretching it as carefully as he can, Wangnan takes a look at the paper sheet. There are many names there, and each one conveys a personal feeling. It is evident that each of these people made their signature with special care. For Viole. Of course. How could anyone not want to sign this thing for Viole? How could anyone not love Viole? Well, maybe that is biased on his part because of how infatuated he is with Viole, but still.
Just as he is thinking that, he notices only one signature is done somewhat lazily, even if it is in perfect calligraphy. Someone named Hoh. Well, he did sign even if it was not an official assignment, so Wangnan assumes he is just imagining things.
And of course, among those names, there is one that he knows of and therefore immediately caught his attention, but he did not want to acknowledge it. Khun Aguero Agnes. The calligraphy is also perfect, but it is evidently done with upmost care, unlike the other one. And it is the second name on the list, only beaten by some Great Leader Rak Wraithraiser, written in all caps and exclamation marks. This one must be someone like Prince, someone incredibly loud that has to be the first one to do anything, or else he gets pissed. It gives Wangnan the feeling that this Rak is even more obnoxious than Prince, and the thought alone makes his head ache.
But if this Khun is the second one on the list, only beaten by a guy like that, it is obvious he is closer to Viole than anyone else.
And the only other name he has heard from Viole, the girl named Rachel who Viole did not address with honorifics, is not on the paper. Why? It was clear she was important to Viole, probably as important as the Khun dude, but she is not here. Wangnan wants to ask, but the words do not come out from his throat. He does not dare to ask. What if the answer makes him feel even more jealous and insecure?
Then, Viole’s quiet voice takes him out of his confused and somewhat depressing thoughts. “It may be just a worn-out piece of paper, but… but it’s precious to me.”
How? How could someone want to hurt a pure soul such as this one? While Viole hugs the paper against his chest, Wangnan reaches to him and surrounds Viole’s shoulders with one arm, bringing him close to his own body. “Mr. Wangnan?”
Big, honey-colored eyes look up at him, which look a bit wet, and Wangnan feels his heart melt. He must feel so lonely, he must miss them so much. What can he do to make Viole feel better? He is not alone, Wangnan will never let him feel alone again. He had already decided that would be his purpose during these two years they have left together.
So he gives Viole a wide grin, and pets the head that rests on his shoulder. “They may be Twenty-Fifth Baam’s friends, but Viole has friends too, you know? What do you say? Do you want to make another one with Jue Viole Grace’s friends?”
“Ah… But… I don’t know…” It does not matter how much Viole wants to conceal his own emotions: his golden eyes are like an open window. He fully understands why they made him keep his bangs that long. If not, he would not manage to be intimidating at all, not with that cute face and those transparent eyes. “…Do you think the others will want to sign?”
Wangnan just laughs. Viole should not be this insecure, and Wangnan openly voices why. “Of course they will! And if they don’t, I’ll make them do it.”
A small laugh reaches Wangnan’s ears and his heart skips a beat. You might think he would have grown used to Viole’s smile by now, but no, especially because it seems to get warmer by each passing day, a symbol of Viole’s heart opening up to them. Well, mostly to him in particular. When they are alone, Viole acts more natural, more like the gentle person Wangnan knows he is. Viole is defrosting, slowly but surely.
“…Thank you, Mr. Wangnan.”
And this smile makes the slow process all the worthwhile.
Wangnan is willing to do anything for this smile.
So he is delighted when everyone is willing to sign the paper, even though Yihwa’s sign was a little more difficult to get. Ever the tsundere.
“Everyone signed, Mr. Wangnan!”
My God, Viole is smiling widely and directly at Wangnan. He seems so happy that he is not even trying to hide it. Of course, it is probably because he is alone with Wangnan again, sitting on his bed as they did some hours ago, when Wangnan proposed to have them sign the new paper. Viole allows his long legs to swing on the side of the bed, and is admiring the paper on his hands. “Ms. Goseng and Miseng were the first ones to sign, then Prince wanted to sign too, and he even draw a mini picture of himself in the corner.”
That kid, he wanted to give Viole an autograph, that is what he wanted to do. Wangnan would say who wanted that from a nobody like Prince in the first place, but it seems Viole did, because he is incredibly happy with Prince’s artwork. Well, whatever makes Viole happy, it is fine.
“Mr. Arkraptor looked confused and a little embarrassed by the idea, but he signed anyway, and Mr. Horyang, on his part, wanted to do one for himself too. He must be feeling lonely too, though he doesn’t tell us why.”
So Viole has caught on that too, huh? Well, it is to be expected. Viole is the one feeling the loneliest out of all of them, so it must be easy for him to know when someone else is feeling that way too.
“And Ms. Yihwa was a little harder to convince, but in the end she signed too. I’m so glad she did it even though she is still a bit reluctant to accept me.”
And those are things Viole does not understand in the slightest. Yihwa was not resistant to sign because she is thinking about her being from the Great Families and Viole from FUG. She has already moved on about that. Yihwa is… well, clearly interested in Viole. Romantically, like Wangnan. And that is what she cannot accept, unlike Wangnan. She has not got into terms with it, and its hard for her whenever Viole does something cute in front of her. Well, it is hard for Wangnan too, so he doubts it will become easier of Yihwa either. Viole would have to know about her feelings and reciprocate them, in order for her not to be so jumpy and nervous every time she exposes herself. Wangnan would know. He lives with that everyday.
However, just the thought of Viole reciprocating Yihwa’s feelings makes Wangnan’s chest burn and hurt. Why is he so jealous? Yihwa is a gorgeous girl, of course, and she is from the Yeon Family, so she is a great catch, but Viole simply does not belong with them. He belongs with that Mr. Khun or that Rachel he mentioned before. He… Viole does not belong neither with Yihwa, nor with Wangnan…
But it is not time to be thinking about it right now. What did he tell himself? He would make the best out of the time he has left with Viole. And this smile in front of him, with those eyes that seem like watery honey, are a great start.
He really could do anything for that smile. Anything at all.
*****
But there are times when even Wangnan cannot smile as he always does, and Baam has come to know that.
After being kissed by Wangnan the first time, Baam started paying close attention to everything Wangnan does. At first it was merely because he needed to find the opportunity to talk to him about the strange incident. But soon enough Baam found himself wondering what Wangnan would do next that would make him try hard not to smile. He should be worried, because, as he has repeated to himself countless times, he has to keep his distance from other people, and that includes his new team and Mr. Wangnan. However, it is extremely hard for him not to smile and feel at ease when he is with Mr. Wangnan. The guy is like a shining sun that casts away the darkness than surrounds Baam everyday ever since he was assumed dead. Baam knows it is just an illusion; he is not out of FUG’s grasp, he is still trapped by them. Nonetheless, Wangnan gives him a ray of hope with every bright smile he shows to him.
That is why it is so heartbreaking for Baam to see Mr. Wangnan feeling down.
One day, when the team was wandering around town, Baam noticed Wangnan stopped at a restaurant. Looking a bit flustered, Wangnan stayed there for a while, staring through the window and not caring that the rest of their comrades continued on and were now far away. So Baam waited for him, curious as to what was catching Wangnan’s attention so much.
He took his time, but eventually Wangnan entered the restaurant, and Baam followed silently behind him. It is not like he is spying on Wangnan or something like that, but Baam feels that he has to be sneaky, for some reason. There seems to be a secretive mood in the air, that is all. So Baam keeps his distance when Wangnan chooses a place to sit and orders something Baam does not catch what it is. He should not be so frustrated about not hearing it, because he will soon know what it was, but Baam still bites his own lower lip. There has to be a reason as to why Wangnan wanted to go into this store without telling the rest of the group.
“Here is your meal, sir. Please enjoy.”
A waiter leaves a plate of what seems to be… pork? With some veggies and sauce. Baam cannot help coming a little closer to Wangnan’s table, enchanted by the delicious smell. But why though? If he just wanted to have a meal, he would have invited the rest of the team, right? It is so strange.
“I’m sorry...”
That sounds make Baam all the more confused, and that feeling is soon replaced by apprehension. It is Wangnan’s voice, whispering an apology destined to someone who obviously is not with him. His voice sounds cracked, and the hand that picks up the chopsticks is trembling, as are his shoulders. Baam’s heart shrinks upon hearing that sound, but he still hesitates to come near him. He wants to respect Wangnan’s privacy as much as he can, but hearing him so vulnerable is too worrisome. Wangnan is always smiling, but now he is with his back facing Baam, so Baam can only assess his mental state by that voice and the trembles of his body. And those are not good signals.
So Baam goes nearer, trying to see at least his profile. He actually succeeds without letting Wangnan discover his presence, but what he sees makes him throw out all cautiousness. Wangnan’s face is covered in tears, which are falling into the plate bellow him. Still, he is eating slowly, and the sound he makes as he swallows suggests he is having trouble doing it, as if the food is getting clogged up in his throat.
“Mr. Wangnan…”
Baam cannot stand what he is seeing anymore. He goes to Wangnan, arms wrapping around his shaking shoulders, trying to contain the pain Wangnan is probably feeling. His gesture was probably unexpected by the other. Wangnan probably did not even sense Baam was there to begin with. He seems startled, but he does not turn around, nor he tries to wipe away his tears and pretend nothing is wrong. He just stays still for a while, taking steady breaths, in and out, in and out. Baam holds him tighter, resting his head on top Wangnan’s and staying completely silent. He hopes his feelings come through Wangnan.
There are countless things he could say, but none of them come out of Baam’s throat.
I don’t understand what is happening.
I don’t like seeing you like this.
But if you want to cry, go ahead.
I’ll be here with you.
I won’t leave you alone.
So when you are okay again, please smile once more.
Baam’s silent pleas seem to be working, because Wangnan hugs him back with one arm, with so much force it hurts Baam a little. But it does not matter. He allows Wangnan to hold him and cry his heart out. Baam does not understand why this food makes him react like this, but right now it does not matter. The only thing that matters is that he helps Wangnan let all out, even if simply seeing him like this is breaking Baam’s own heart.
Everything that makes you feel bad, I will cast it away.
You have tried so hard to make me smile. Now I have to do the same.
So he waits long and excruciating minutes until Wangnan’s sobs start to subside. Baam caresses Wangnan’s messy blonde hair as he adjusts his head on Baam’s shoulder. After a while, Wangnan separates a bit from Baam and makes a gesture that invites Baam to sit beside him. So Baam does exactly that, moving a chair closer to Wangnan’s and sitting down right next to him.
“...Sorry to be such a mess.”
“It’s okay.” Baam says in his characteristic Viole voice. “I’m glad you are more calm now.”
Wangnan lets out a little chuckle, but it is not at all like the laugh Baam is used to hear from him. It is a sad laugh, like he is about to break in tears again at any moment.
“Yeah… I suppose I have to let go of Nia once and for all.”
That name. Baam knows that name, but he does not immediately remember why. Nia…
“...He is gone, after all…”
That is right. Nia was the name of the boy Wangnan wanted to avenge some months ago, when they first became a team. The boy was brutally murdered, and Wangnan wanted to do the same to the culprit, but he stopped himself before actually killing the guy. That night, Wangnan told Baam he wanted to end the cycle of hate, he wanted to change the Tower. That was the night Baam took an interest in Wangnan, that he started feeling something new. Wangnan gave him hope, something Baam thought he would not feel again after joining FUG against his will. That night was a turning point for him, but he doubted Wangnan knew about it. Should he say it? Maybe that would lift Wangnan’s spirits.
No, this is not the moment. Wangnan is mourning his friend right now. This is not about Baam’s own feelings, is about Wangnan’s. So Baam chooses to ask about Nia, and his relationship with this food. And Wangnan tells him everything he wants to know, with no holds barred.
“That is why our team is called Sweet and Sour. In honor of Nia…”
Those words make Baam’s chest hurt and burn at the same time. Why does he feel so hurt about this? It is clear he is hurting because Wangnan is hurting right now, but he feels there is something else too. What could it be?
But this is not the time to be dwelling in the mysterious new feeling Baam is experimenting. So he holds Wangnan’s hand and places it on top of the abandoned chopsticks. Then, Baam picks up another set of chopsticks from the table and smiles at Wangnan, as warmly as he can.
“Let’s eat, okay? In honor of Mr. Nia.”
Tears once again blur Wangnan’s eyes, but they do not fall down. And he smiles, this time he genuinely smiles at Baam. That image makes Baam’s heart warm once more.
And when he tastes the pork, instead of just sweet and sour, Baam tastes a bit of saltiness.
*****
God, he had embarrassed himself so badly in front of Viole. Wangnan is supposed to be the one making Viole happy, and there he goes, crying in front of him, making him sad and almost cry himself. Those honey-colored eyes, wet with tears he barely managed to hold in… However, after Wangnan calmed down, Viole gave Wangnan a smile so warm that Wangnan thought he did not even deserve it. It was too lovely, and he knows Viole does not want to be expressive in front of others, but he still showed him that beautiful face. And Wangnan could not help smiling back, sincerely this time. Wangnan will never forget Nia, of course, but thanks to Viole, he thinks he can let go of the pain and the guilt he still feels, and someday remember Nia through the happy times they lived together.
Everything that happened today, however, encourages Wangnan even more towards changing the Tower. For Nia’s memory, for Viole’s future.
Those thoughts keep Wangnan wide awake at night. He stares at the ceiling for a long time, listening to Arkraptor’s soft snoring and reliving the moment when Viole smiled at him that afternoon, over and over again. When he realizes he will not fall asleep anymore, Wangnan comes out of bed and tiptoes out his room, as to not disturb his sleeping comrade.
Just as he steps out of his room, Wangnan lets out a deep sigh. He has sighed so much ever since this afternoon. And every time he did, Viole stared at him with those worried eyes that look like they are about to overflow at any moment, with warm but watery honey.
Still, tomorrow will be another day, to make those teary eyes turn into cheerful ones.
Wangnan passes by the mess the kids made in the living room. Goseng will be so mad at them in the morning. The thought makes him grin slightly. Not only Viole can make him smile through the hard times, after all. He has to thank his entire team too. He must be thankful to be surrounded by such good people.
After going up the stairs, Wangnan goes out into the balcony, the very same one in which he kissed Viole for the first time. The memory makes his heartbeat race. At the time, he did not know he was taking advantage of Viole’s unforeseen innocence. Who could have imagined that Viole did not even know what a kiss on the lips meant? Wangnan was so shocked, he still could not believe it. Strangely, that made Viole even more attractive in his eyes, he does not know why. Viole is just so pure. And Wangnan cannot help thinking maybe he is a pervert for feeling that way.
A muffled scream escapes Wangnan’s throat when he sees that the object of his troubled thoughts is right in front of him, arms resting on the railing while he observes the night ceiling. Wangnan cannot see his face yet, but imagines Viole’s eyes shining brightly as he watches the fake stars above. The odd sound that Wangnan let out seemed to catch Viole’s attention, as he turns back to see him.
“Mr. Wangnan?”
His soft voice sounds strained, as if he had not used it for a long time. How long has Viole being staring at the sky? Wangnan hopes he has not caught a cold for being outside this late and god knows for how long. With a concerned expression, Wangnan goes to the railing too, standing right next to Viole.
“Aren’t you cold?”
Viole shrugs, his expression unreadable behind the long bangs covering half of his face. “Not really. I’m kind of used to the cold.”
The answer only makes Wangnan more concerned, and he lets Viole know it. “That doesn’t sound right at all. Well, it’s good that you are strong, but you shouldn’t have to get used to the cold night.”
A small smile appears on Viole’s lips, and Wangnan wants to kick himself in the head for thinking those lips look so kissable. “You are right… It’s not that I like the cold. It’s just that I didn’t have much choice but get used to it.”
Wangnan remains silent for a moment, thinking if the thing his impulses are telling him to do is acceptable, or at least not something he should not be doing by any circumstances. In the end, he settles on the judgment that it is not that bad of a thing to do, so he comes closer to Viole and surrounds his body with one arm only, bringing him even closer, in a hug. Then, he covers them both with his jacket, shielding Viole from the cold wind of the night.
When he looks at Viole’s face, he is sure his own cheeks are kind of red. And the color surely gets more pronounced as Viole stares at him surprised, his big golden eyes now half visible. God, he looks so cute.
“T-Thanks, Mr. Wangnan. You didn’t have to do that.”
Although he says that, after a moment of hesitation, Viole lets his head rest on Wangnan’s shoulder and adjusts himself in the hug, clearly comfortable with the touch. Wangnan grins proudly. It took some time, but Viole really trusts him now. So he should not do things like kiss him or thinking inappropriate things about him. He must not ruin the relationship they have achieved.
Instead, he should say the other things he is thinking, the ones that could strengthen their relationship and not make it weirder.
“Viole.” The boy glances at him from the side. “About today… Thank you. I thought I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, but… After what happened today, I’m glad you were there with me. I’m glad I let out everything, and that you listened to me.”
Viole does not move, and Wangnan is feeling too shy to look at Viole’s face right now, so he cannot guess what Viole is thinking. “So, thanks, seriously.” He pets Viole’s head with his free hand, still without looking at his face, and messes that long chestnut ponytail in the process.
“I…” Viole’s voice wavers, and Wangnan finally looks at him, but Viole is not staring back at him. He is looking at the sky once again, his vision lost in something distant, and probably painful. “I should be the one thanking you, Mr. Wangnan. You always manage to make me smile, even though I actively want to remain unattached to you all.”
“But I want you to be attached to us!” To me at least, but he would not say that.
“But I mustn’t… My master allowed me to stay with you, but the FUG elders will just use you as bargain chips so I do whatever they want, just like my other friends. I can’t put you in danger like that.”
Wangnan frowns at his stubbornness. How many times would he have to remind Viole that they already made up their minds? “We all decided we will be with you despite the danger! It’s our own decision, and you don’t get a saying about that!”
Viole looks at him astonished, probably not knowing what to say against what Wangnan just stated. Well, Wangnan said Viole did not have a say in it, right? After a few seconds, Viole simply sighs, and then smiles warmly at him.
“Then I should give up on your safety?”
“Yeah, you should!” Then Wangnan notices what they are saying and scratches the back of his head with his free hand, the one that is not holding Viole against his own body. “It doesn’t sound right, but you know what I mean!”
The soft chuckle he gets as an answer makes Wangnan’s heart flutter. “Okay, okay.” God, he is so cute. “See? You always know how to make me smile.”
He is just being a clumsy fool, though. Well, if his awkwardness makes Viole smile this way, then it does not matter if he is an idiot. The thought makes him grin too.
However, Viole’s smile drops the next second, and Wangnan regrets it immediately. “I want to make you smile too.” Viole starts playing with his fingers, intertwining them as Wangnan has come to know Viole does so when he is nervous. He does not look at Wangnan’s face either. “...Today, I didn’t know what I could do for you. So I just hugged you, hoping that letting you cry in my arms would make you feel better. I wanted to tell you that you are not alone.”
Then Viole looks back at him at last, the honey in his eyes seeming crystalline once again. It is a beautiful sight, but Wangnan does not want Viole to make this face. His objective now is to make Viole the happiest he can, after all. Until he is reunited with his people.
“Did I do good?”
God, he only had to add daddy at the end of that sentence, and Wangnan’s heart would have exploded. Stupid horny brain. Instead, Wangnan pets Viole’s head once again. “Yeah, you did great.”
Again, that beautiful and affectionate smile that makes Wangnan melt. “I’m glad.” And once again, Viole rests his head on Wangnan’s shoulder, letting the warm of both bodies blend together against the coldness of the night.
“You know, Mr. Wangnan?” He looks at Viole curiously, waiting for what he wants to say. “Mr. Wangnan’s emotions tend to stick to me. If you are smiling brightly, I feel the urge to smile back, even if its inappropriate in my position as a Slayer candidate. And when Mr. Wangnan is sad, like you were this afternoon, it is like the world around me gets swallowed by darkness all of a sudden. And I didn’t know what to do to make the gray clouds go away. So I’m glad… I’m glad I did ok.”
Wangnan does not know if what Viole said just now means that he is special to Viole, or if it is only that Wangnan really has contagious expressions, but it does not matter right now. It just means that he has to smile more then, so Viole can smile back as he said. So he grins at Viole widely, and the gesture is met with a timid but sincere smile. A perfect smile.
But then something happens. Viole is looking at him with what seems to be… curiosity? And a little nervousness too. “Mmm? What’s wrong?”
“Ahh… It’s just…” Wangnan waits patiently at Viole, and bites back a chuckle because Viole’s cuteness makes him want to chuckle. So endearing. “I was thinking that, even though you aren’t avoiding me like before, you haven’t kissed me again.”
With that, Wangnan’s grin drops and his mind goes blank. He hoped Viole would forget about those things, but he has not. Should he be glad Viole has not forgotten? Or should he be worried, because that was clearly a mistake?
“I didn’t dislike your kisses, Mr. Wangnan. They felt nice, you know? I wouldn’t mind if it repeats.”
It is clear Viole does not know what he is saying, but hearing Viole say he felt good when kissed by him, is too much for Wangnan to take. And the next phrase finishes him off.
“No, it’s not only that. I want to be kissed by Mr. Wangnan.” He is sure Viole can hear his heartbeat right now. It is too loud to not be noticeable. “Can’t I?”
How can he say no to that? Viole is, without a doubt, the most innocent and pure creature Wangnan has come to know. He should not taint that innocence, he is not worthy. But still, Viole has the right to choose who he will learn about these things with, right? And it seems Viole is choosing Wangnan. So who is he to deny that? Specially when he is yearning so much for Viole.
So he lets his instincts take hold of him once again. He pulls Viole’s body even closer, and takes Viole’s lips onto his own. The touch is soft at first, superficial, and Viole relaxes against it, half closing those melting honey eyes, which now seem to have a little desire held back in them. Not that Viole understands that, most likely. But to Wangnan, that is an invitation to deepen the kiss. His tongue gets hold of Viole’s and explores everything within that moist cavern. He has to hold back his instincts once again though, when the soft and muffled moans that Viole lets out threaten to make Wangnan go crazy.
“Mr. Wangnan…” It is the only thing Viole says before snuggling against Wangnan’s chest, covering his face. Which is a shame, because Wangnan is sure he saw Viole’s face tainted with a cute red color.
The disappointment soon dispels when he feels Viole taking his hand into his, and intertwine their fingers together. It may be too soon to expect too much from Viole, when he is just learning what kisses are, but it is a step forward. Maybe it is not impossible for Viole to like him back, even if just a little. Wangnan knows he should not fool himself, that Viole will return to his original team sooner than later, but right now he does not want to think about that. He just wants to keep feeling Viole’s warmth against him.
He can worry about the end later. Now, this moment is perfect, and that is all that matters.
- END CHAPTER 4-
