Hoy comenzamos el reto de la KhunBaam week de este año, y esta vez trataré de participar en la misma semana o mes, o al menos no atrasarme mucho XD La primera vez que participé, el 2020, logré hacer cada vez el mismo día en que era, pero no sé cómo lo logré D: Y ahora que el trabajo cada vez me asesina más la energía y el tiempo, pos menos lo creo posible XD Pero bue, que aquí está el primer día. Tengo que arreglar mis otros fics para subirlos aquí también, btw.
*****
Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
Day 1: Myths / Rain
“You know, for a while now, every time it’s raining, you look kind of gloomy, Baam.”
As the two of them stand under the little roof of a closed store, Baam hears Khun’s voice amidst the sound of the heavy rain pouring down the streets. The town is deserted; only they were crazy enough to go shopping in this weather. Truth is, Khun had become tired of Rak whining about not having any bananas, and Baam volunteered to go get him some, but Khun apparently did not want him to go alone… and thus here they are now, taking shelter from the unexpected downpour.
“…Yeah, maybe you are right.”
However, Baam did not think that what started as a spontaneous and harmless adventure going out for groceries, would end up with Khun bringing this particular topic into their conversation. Going by the words he used, perhaps Khun wanted to ask him this for a long time now, but he could not find the appropriate moment to do it. Khun is right, though; Baam has noticed he indeed becomes a bit depressed when it is raining, and he knows why and when this shift in his mood started happening. Baam thought he was hiding it well though, but apparently Khun knows him too well to not notice. As expected from Mr. Khun.
“The change in your reactions is pretty recent.” Khun continues, probably because Baam did not give him a proper answer. “There was a time were you loved the rain. You used to go out into the rain on purpose; you played with it, used your powers on it.”
A warm feeling gets hold of Baam’s chest as he sees the smile full of tenderness and affection in Khun’s lips, nostalgia filling those cobalt eyes as Khun looks up at the sky. And then, his gaze turns serious, and the sudden change in his attitude startles Baam a bit.
“But then one day, you started staying inside, looking through the window with that face.” Baam turns to stare at Khun trying to look normal, but it seems it is in vain. As always, Khun can see right through his façade. “Yes, that look exactly, as if you want to stay calm, but deep down you are filled with insecurity.”
Baam can only sigh and smile sadly at Khun’s accurate remark. “As expected from Mr. Khun.” is the only thing he manages to say, in a tired voice.
After some seconds of silence, Khun speaks up again, his voice firm but cautious. “It started after we went through the Floor of Death, right?”
Ever so observant, his Mr. Khun. How could Baam ever think he would be able to hide something from Khun? Suddenly, a cold hand takes hold of Baam’s wrist for a moment, making him look in Khun’s way. Those sharp, deep blue eyes are looking at him with both apprehension and understanding. Damn, this is exactly what Baam wanted to avoid. He did not want to distress Khun with his futile worries.
“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” A quiet tone that invites Baam into a safe space, as only Khun can do for him.
“With the rain?” completes Baam, laughing softly, trying to make light of the thoughts that are invading his mind once again. “Nothing, really. I still like the rain to an extent.”
“But?”
Baam sighs again, staring at the drops falling into the puddles… like spears from the sky. “…Remember the story about how the Floor of Death became what it is today?”
“Of course I do. Before going to that floor, I only knew what everyone did, that some incredible disaster happened there and now no one lived there. There were some rumors about Enryu, but nothing accurate or convincing enough. Well, I’m not totally convinced about what we heard is the complete truth yet, though. A monster appearing out of nowhere to decimate everyone that lived in the floor, including the Administrator himself… sound farfetched, to say the least. Garam’s story was more like a myth or a legend.”
As the rain continues to fall, Baam’s eyes become glued to the puddles, to the drops piercing the earth, with more force at every second. “A myth, eh? It would certainly seem so, but I don’t think Miss Garam lied to us.”
“It’s not that I think she wanted to deceive us, but I don’t think she knows the complete story either.”
“…Maybe you are right.”
As dark thoughts take hold of Baam’s brain, his hands become a little sweaty, and suddenly feel unbearably empty, so he starts playing with his own fingers, intertwining them, then letting them loose, linking them again together and repeating the process all over again.
A tired sigh escapes through his lips, which feel kind of dry. “He is an Irregular, right? Mr. Enryu.”
“He is.” Khun answers and, by the tone of his voice, Baam knows he is a bit confused. But that is all Khun says. Maybe he is unsure if it is appropriate to say anything else, like he is stepping into a minefield with Baam in this state. Or maybe Baam is looking a bit too much into it.
“…Just like me, right?”
Through the corner of his eye, Baam can see Khun nodding slowly, and then gasping and turning around to look at him. So he noticed, huh? As to why Baam is so concerned about what they heard in the Floor of Death. However, Baam is not ready to confront Khun face to face. So, he does not turn around and simply continues staring at the rain with empty, golden eyes.
A sad smile paints his still dry lips. “Irregulars are monsters; everyone thinks so. That is why no one can know I’m an Irregular too. Isn’t that right, Mr. Khun?”
From the corner of his eye, he sees Khun opening his mouth to say something, but then he closes it immediately, probably waiting for Baam to continue.
So Baam continues, the game of intertwining his fingers not stopping for a second. “Mr. Enryu created a terrible legend because his power was too strong, so strong he managed to kill an Administrator and everyone in the whole floor. Miss Garam said red shinsu fell down from the sky, destroying every living being. Like blood rain…”
“Yes, that is what she said, but Enryu wanted to kill everyone, he did it on purpose.” Amidst the rain, Khun’s voice sounds a little impatient. Great, he is troubling Mr. Khun again. “He wanted to kill Jahad’s followers for disgracing Arlene’s home, didn’t he? Of course Jahad’s followers would judge him as a monster, even though they got what they deserved.”
“Leaving aside the topic of someone ever deserving death or not,” Baam says, and he hears Khun huffing, which makes him chuckle a little. However, the thoughts he is having do not let him smile for much longer. “what if he didn’t want to do something like that? Miss Garam said Mr. Enryu gave the people the chance to flee if they wanted to, to betray Jahad and save their lives, but no one actually lived to tell if that was true or not.”
“That is probably because Jahad’s army pursued the survivors and killed them, so no one would know the truth.”
A quiet whimper escapes Baam’s mouth, and he is grateful that the loud sound of the rain seems to have drowned it. “That is what Miss Garam thinks too, but…” He has to say it. He needs someone to understand. He needs Khun to understand, even if it is stupid on his part. “…But what if it’s not true? What if Mr. Enryu’s powers went out of control when he saw what those people have done with mom’s lands?”
“Baam…”
He cannot stop himself now. The words simply flow across his chest and into his mouth, with him unable to suppress them. “Maybe he was just upset… so unbearably angry and hurt, that his power reached a point in which just… exploded.”
His fingers stop linking between themselves only to do a gesture of a tiny explosion, accompanied with a low bang sound. Then, the game of linking his fingers together resumes and gets a little more intense, causing him a bit of harm. Baam does not stop, however.
And the words keep flowing. “It happened to me at least once in the past, when Rachel made clear she betrayed me, that she didn’t want to be near me.”
He can feel Khun’s movement right next to him; a hand that attempted to reach out for him, but ultimately hesitated and declined the effort. And Baam remains still, trying to keep himself together, only his hands moving endlessly, and his eyes glued to the grey skies above.
“I was so hurt, so heartbroken. I wanted her to disappear, so she wouldn’t hurt me anymore.”
His golden yet dull eyes turn to stare at the streets once more, into the drops melting into big puddles. But Baam is not really seeing the image in front of him. What he is seeing is far away, it is Rachel’s upset and, at the same time, afraid expression. Baam shakes his head, shaking off the image as well.
With a tiny, sad smile, he continues. “No, I wanted to disappear, so I wouldn’t feel anything anymore. And then everything started to overflow. My feelings, my power.” The movements of his fingers stop for a moment, and he stares at the palms of his hands. Not really seeing, but feeling. Feeling his own power threatening to come out, to betray Baam and steal everything that is precious to him. “It didn’t come out as tears, for some reason I was unable to cry. It simply came out as energy… murderous energy.”
That is when Khun apparently stopped hesitating, because his hand now did reach out for Baam, grabbing his arm and making Baam face him. However, Baam simply flinches in place, not daring to look at Khun. “Baam, stop.”
An order, stern but caring. The type of tone Khun knows he has to use when Baam is in this state. This is not the first time he has been drowning in self-harming thoughts, and both know it will not be the last either. “What if I do something like that too?”
“You didn’t harm anyone that time, and you won’t do it in the future either!”
“How…? How can you be sure about that?” Khun’s hand now lifts his chin, so Baam cannot hide his own face anymore. The concerned look Khun gives him is enough for Baam to spill the few tears he had been holding in the corners of his eyes. “I’m not as powerful as Mr. Enryu, that’s why I haven’t done anything like that. But if… But if not even Mr. Enryu, who has so much more experience than me, can control his own powers when he is deeply upset, how would I be able to do it?”
Now Khun pulls Baam into a tight embrace, leaving Baam’s cheek resting in his left shoulder. A soft whimper escapes Baam’s lips once again, and he closes his eyes, feeling the strength leaving his body. “Especially me, since I’m so easily distressed…”
“Shh… don’t think anymore. I’m here, ok?”
Khun’s low voice sounds so comforting against his ear. Baam knows Khun cannot say for sure nothing bad is going to happen. So he does not say anything of the sort; Khun will not lie to him. Baam hugs him back, burying his face against the curve of Khun’s neck and allowing himself to melt into his frosty scent.
“What if… what if I create my own myth? The myth of a new monster, of my own rain of disaster… destruction… death… blood…”
The words keep coming to his head, tormenting him. Images of his own self decimating people. People who may or may not be innocent, but Baam does not care about that. He simply does not want to hurt anybody. He just wants to live in peace, with his friends. Just a little, simple wish he may never have fulfilled.
“You will never become a monster, Baam; you don’t have it in you.” Khun takes Baam’s face between his hands, and leaves a soft kiss on his forehead, then rests his own forehead against Baam’s. His blue eyes are closed, so Baam does the same. “You are different from Jahad, the Family Leaders, and all the other irregulars. You are as ambitious as they are, yes, but your ambitions are different. They are so pure. You are so pure.” Another kiss, now on his right cheek. And now Khun’s forehead rests against Baam’s neck. And Baam can feel his cheeks burning up a little. “And even if you are right, if Enryu were like you, didn’t want to harm anyone and his power went out of control, then…" Baam cannot help shrinking in Khun’s arms a little at those words. “Then it would have been because he was alone, because he didn’t have anyone to calm him down, to make him feel safe… I will never let you become a monster, Baam. Never.”
“Mr. Khun…” is the only thing that slips out of Baam’s sore throat. He wants to cry against Khun’s chest, but the tears do not come out. Khun’s frosty aroma has once again calmed down the sobs that want to overflow from within. Khun, always his anchor to earth.
“Do you trust me?” Baam nods as best as he can, being imprisoned against Khun’s chest. “Then forget all about Enryu and the blood rain, ok? I want you to look at the rain as you did before, full of innocent delight.” He lets out a chuckle, as Khun lifts his chin once again, blue eyes against his own honey ones. “I have an idea: if it’s still raining when we get back, we can play under the rain, the three of us, as we used to. We will need to dress up for the rain though; I don’t want you to get sick. And neither the alligator, he is a pain in the ass when he feels bad.” Baam giggles again. Khun is always looking after them, as the team dad he is. “Would you like that?”
Baam separates himself from Khun slowly, not really wanting to break contact, so he takes Khun’s cold hands into his own. “Of course, I would love that, Mr. Khun.”
“It’s settled then.”
Thus Khun starts walking back to the place they are staying at, not letting go of Baam’s hand. And Baam is glad, because his turbulent emotions are just beginning to subside. It is all thanks to Mr. Khun. Even if the rain might still evoke unwanted thoughts in him, it will also remind him of this, of Khun’s unshakable support and care.
Thank you, Mr. Khun. I really love you.
However, those words do not come out. Maybe another time, when he is feeling better, when Khun does not think he is just confused and vulnerable. But just like his power threatens to come out when he is distress, his other emotions will have to be exposed someday too, right?
Baam tightens his hold on Khun’s hand, and the other looks back, probably to make sure he is okay. The warm smile Baam gives back must have reassured him, because Khun answers with the very same gesture. “Let’s hurry. The alligator must be torturing everyone because we are late with his snacks.”
Baam’s laughter gets muffled by the rain, but it does not matter. He knows that, as long as he is with Mr. Khun, everything will be alright.
-END of Day 1-
