[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBaam week 2022: Day 5

Esto lo publiqué hace más de una semana (creo) en AO3, pero se me olvidó publicar aquí también. Bue, aquí lo hago por tener un registro de todo lo que produzco. Hace poco estuve con dolor de muelas y ahora estoy en sospecha de covid (la verdad no tengo ningún síntoma, pero estuve en contacto con alguien que sí, pero bue, parece que al final no fue nada), y sumado al poco tiempo libre, pos no he podido seguir avanzando más que esto XD Pero espero poder terminar el reto pronto, que me inspiré también para otros fics y quiero seguir y/o empezar con eso u.u

*****

Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
 
Day 5: Mystery / Autumn

Even though Baam never got to know what seasons looked like while he was inside the cave, Rachel did teach him the basic aspects of each one. Therefore, he knew the worst one was called winter. Before he met Rachel, it was the time of the year he did not know if he would manage to survive, the time when he had to do everything he could to stay warm. For example, he would desperately try to keep a giant fire alive for as long as possible; otherwise, he would end up freezing to death. Other thing he would do was kill the few fuzzy and weak monsters inside the cave to make a thick blanket out of their skin to cover himself. It would rot in a few days, so he had to make a new one from time to time.

But winter was the only distinguishable season when he was inside the cave. The others mangled together for him, since inside the cave everything stayed the same no matter what. It was always dark, damp, cold. Only winter managed to make itself present, just because it amplified all of those aspects. So, Baam was surprised when Rachel showed him books with illustrations of the four seasons. They made Baam yearn to smell the freshly bloomed flowers in spring, feel the warm sun on his skin in summer, see the brightly colored leaves fall in autumn, and play with the cold snow in winter.

He only got to truly know seasons when he entered the Tower, specifically when he got past the Floor of Tests. But since that was the time when he was with FUG, Baam could not truly enjoy the newfound experience. Only now that he is with Team Sweet and Sour is when he can live the seasons to the fullest.

They are in autumn right now, and Baam has come to realize that maybe it is the most nostalgic season of all. At first he thought winter would have this effect the most, since it was so horrible for him during the time he was in the cave. However, Baam came to enjoy winter a whole more now that he does not have to worry about freezing to death in his sleep.

In contrast, autumn is a really beautiful season, of course, with everything turning red, orange and gold, but it is also the season when everything starts to wither, to die. Of course, it only meant those things went to sleep during the winter, but it was still shocking for Baam to see all the leaves drying out. It reminded him that everything had an end, even his or his friends’ lives. And that makes him think, what if his life ends before he gets back with Khun and the others? He would wither away silently and unnoticed, just like those golden leaves.

“Viole, are you up there?”

Wangnan’s voice suddenly reaches his ears, interrupting his depressing thoughts. Baam is currently on the rooftop of the house they are staying in, watching the sky above. The infinite blue skies that make him inevitably think about the eyes of someone very precious to him. Autumn is a nostalgic season, indeed.

“What are you doing here all alone?” Wangnan’s bright smile has always managed to make him feel a little warm inside. However, ever since he separated from Khun, it has been difficult for him to smile back, so he just stares at Wangnan with an empty expression. “Just chilling, eh?” continues Wangnan with a nervous laugh.

“I was just… thinking.” Baam whispers, trying to fill the silence and not make his comrade even more uncomfortable. Wangnan is not to blame for his inner trouble, after all. He has been very kind with him, even if he is not Mr. Khun.

“Are you thinking about them?” Baam knows Wangnan is referring to his old team, so he simply nods slowly, and then feels the weight of a hand on his left shoulder. As Baam turns around to look in that direction, he is met with a sad smile on Wangnan’s face. “I know you miss them, Viole, you look so lonely all the time. But don’t worry; I’ll reunite you with them, I promise.”

That promise, as Wangnan puts it, almost makes him tear up. What he says is true. Baam desperately wants to get back with them, with Mr. Rak, with Mr. Khun. He just needs to look at the sky and there they are: Khun’s cold blue eyes that got filled with warmth every time they looked back at him. How he misses those eyes.

Then Wangnan starts asking some questions about his old team, and Baam cannot resist the urge to answer. On the one hand, denying Wangnan’s request for information would be incredibly rude of Baam, since he knows Wangnan is just asking because he genuinely wants to know more about him. And on the other hand, Baam simply wants to tell someone about those people who are so precious to him. Maybe that will make him miss them less.

However, after a while telling Wangnan stories about his old team, Baam found out he was utterly wrong in thinking this would make the feeling of longing subside a little. On the contrary, it makes him yearn even more for that reunion Wangnan promised to him.

Suddenly, Wangnan interrupts one of his stories, laughing lightly. “You talk so much about that guy you call Mr. Khun, you know?”

“What?” Baam feels his face burning up. Did he really talk too much about Mr. Khun? Baam thinks he included everyone in his narrations; of course, Mr. Khun was among them too. But did he really talk more about him than the others? Baam can only look at the ground, letting his long bangs cover his probably red face. “Sorry… I didn’t notice I was talking too much.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m happy to finally hear more about you and your friends, Viole!” Baam lifts his head a little, only to see Wangnan flapping his hands in the air nervously. “I was just curious, because you seem to like all your friends very much, but the way you talk about that guy in particular seems different, more special.”

“You think so?” Well, Baam knows Mr. Khun is special to him. He was the first person to approach him in that open field in the Floor of Tests. He helped him and taught him so much. Mr. Khun had the patience of a saint with him, as Baam did not know anything about the world and Khun had to explain even the most common things to him. “He is special, indeed, but…”

“Do you like him?” is what Wangnan says next, and Baam just tilts his head to one side. Of course he likes Mr. Khun; he just said he is special. And Wangnan simply lets out a laugh at his confusion, which makes everything more puzzling. “I don’t mean as a friend. Do you like him like him?”

“What does that mean? Like him like him?” Baam gets nearer Wangnan, letting him see his whole face because he wants to do the same; he wants to search for the answer inside Wangnan’s eyes. The only thing this accomplishes is Wangnan’s face getting a little pink and him averting his eyes. Why? Is it something embarrassing?

“Viole, you are so cute, you know?” Baam tilts his head once again. Well, Khun and Leeso did call him that a few times. He does not understand why though, but Wangnan must be right if there are three people he likes so much calling him that. “I-I mean, are you in love with him?”

That makes Baam step back, taking some distance from Wangnan. Love… So that is what Wangnan is referring to. However, Baam does not know what love or romance mean. Sure, he has had the opportunity now to see those things in TV series, now that he is with Team Sweet and Sour, but he has never fully understood it. Feelings really are a mystery to him. How is he supposed to know if his feelings for Khun are love and not friendship? Wangnan seems to think they are, at least.

Suddenly, Wangnan interrupts his train of thought, speaking nonstop in a single breath. “Sorry! I shouldn’t have said that! It’s just this is not the first time I heard you mentioning him! Even though you were so reluctant to tell us anything about your past, that name just seemed to slip out from you without you even noticing! And now that you are sharing these stories with me, his name popped up so much, way more times than anyone else’s, so…!”

Baam puts hands on Wangnan’s forearms, softly and effectively stopping their erratic movements. “Oh, it’s okay, Mr. Wangnan. I’m not mad, if that is what you think.” That seems to calm down Wangnan to an extent, even if he still looks incredibly nervous. “It’s not something one should be angry, or is it? Liking someone, loving someone, it’s a wonderful thing, right?”

At least that was what Rachel told him when she taught him about feelings, though she was not that specific about the differences between each feeling, and now Baam is confused because of it. She did not mention feelings would sometimes mingle together, just like now his feelings for Rachel are so unclear, mixing love with sorrow, frustration and anger. Because he still loves her, she is very important for him, even after all she did to him. But is she the most important one for him right now? Rachel said love is when someone is more important to you than anyone else, and she was that for him at one point, he is sure of it. But is she still that important for him? That is when Baam notices he did not mention Rachel in his stories, but that is because talking about her still hurts so much, he prefers not to do it. That means she is still incredibly important, right? Because it would not hurt so much if it was not the case.

“…I don’t understand feelings that much.” He finally says to Wangnan, who seemed to respect his silent moment of introspection. “How do you know you are in love with someone?”

Wangnan chuckles at his words, which makes Baam frown a bit. He is being serious with his doubts and Wangnan just laughs at his confusion? “No, no, I’m not laughing at you.” Wangnan says, probably reading his thoughts in his face. “It’s just cute that you are so clueless about this stuff.” Again with the cute thing. Well, it is not like it annoys him being called cute. He actually likes it, because it always makes the people he likes smile fondly, but he does not understand it. “Sorry, I should try to help you understand these things better, although is not like I’m an expert in love.”

“But you probably understand it better. Sometimes feelings are like the biggest mystery to me…”

“Well, sometimes is easier to understand other people’s feelings than our own. What I can tell you is that being in love is a really strange feeling.” Baam looks at him with full attention, and Wangnan seems to get a little embarrassed about it, as his cheeks get a little pink yet again. This does not stop Baam from looking at him though. He really wants to know more, to understand better what is happening to him. “It is really intense. You like that person so much that even his mistakes and flaws seem lovely to you, even if they can annoy you too.”

“Mmm…”

Baam stares at the sky, and once again he is met with those infinitely blue eyes Baam makes up in his mind. Flaws, eh? Well, he cannot say that about Rachel anymore, because her actions hurt him so much, but he can indeed say that about Khun. For example, Khun can be sneaky, secretive and manipulative, but the way he uses his smarts only makes Baam admire him more, since Baam cannot do those morally ambiguous things himself even if sometimes the Tower makes it necessary. Contrary to Rachel, Khun uses his superior intellect and his schemes to protect the people he loves. The thought makes his heart race a little, as a tiny smile takes hold of his lips.

“Just thinking about them can make you smile, and your heart beat faster.” Wangnan’s words come just in time as Baam feels those changes inside him, and he can only lower his face so that his long bangs cover his embarrassment. “And of course… if you are separated, they would be the person you long for the most.”

The grip of Baam’s hands on the railway of the rooftop gets tighter. “I miss them so much, I miss all of them. But…” His voice quivers at the end, and he gulps hard.

“But?” repeats Wangnan, a smile in the tone of his voice.

Baam hides more behind his hair. He does not know why, but saying this makes him nervous and embarrassed, maybe because he does not understand it that much. “But I do miss Mr. Khun the most, I think. I usually end up thinking more about Mr. Khun than anyone else, wondering what he would do or say in a particular situation… Missing how he would explain everything to me with patience and care, how he would touch my hair softly, and let me sleep with him when I had nightmares…”

He stops talking then, because he feels many more unknown thoughts and feelings would pour out if he does not. And it scares him, not because he feels it is wrong; on the contrary, he is happy he is feeling the most for someone he is sure would not betray him like Rachel did. It scares him because he does not understand the extent of this mysterious phenomenon that is going on inside of him. But most importantly, he is scared that maybe he will never be able to reunite with Khun and tell him all about this. He is afraid he could die at any moment, he could wither away like those golden leaves that are falling to ground down there. Baam knows it could happen; he puts himself in danger all the time, after all, especially if it means protecting his comrades. But he does not want to die. He wants to tell Mr. Khun just how special he is to him. He wants Mr. Khun to decipher the mystery that these feelings are to Baam. He wants to live every little experience, even the most insignificant ones, by his side.

“I want to see Mr. Khun. What if…” Baam silences himself at that point, out of fear, but Wangnan’s hand on his shoulder urges him to continue, so he does. “What if I don’t ever meet him again? What if I die before that happens? People die easily in the Tower, after all…”

“Ssshhh!” Wangnan rushes to put a finger on top of Baam’s lips, which makes him flinch in surprise. “Don’t talk like that, Viole! I promised I would take you back to your team, remember? And I always live up to my promises!”

Baam looks at him incredulously, rising an eyebrow, and smiling for the first time in a while. “Really?” This gesture makes Wangnan babble incoherencies and flap his hands, face completely red, and Baam simply giggles, letting his true face show for once, not caring FUG might be watching them. “Thank you, Mr. Wangnan.”

Wangnan seems so unsure of himself, but Baam does not care. He knows Wangnan is telling the truth, that he will do everything in his power to help him. And Baam will put his faith in that, in his new team and in his own efforts to see Mr. Khun once again. And the rest of his old team, of course. But his main debt is with Mr. Khun. He has to tell him about this mysterious feeling that is growing inside of him, after all.

Maybe this autumn is not foreshadowing Baam’s ending. It is telling him that is time to rest until winter is over, wait patiently, and then let spring take its course and make his feelings bloom, when the time to meet Mr. Khun again is due.

-END of Day 5-

[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBaam week 2022: Day 4

Por fin termino otro día de este challenge, y pos, para que se sepa, solo podré escribir los fines de semana, porque en la semana tengo muy poco tiempo libre, y lo que tengo de tiempo libre lo uso en jugar Fall guys, porque el cerebro no me da para más. Me quedo dormida si trato de pensar bien en algo XD Este es más fluff que nada, aunque al final se pone un poco más depre, pero ni tanto.

*****

Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
 
Day 4: AU / Free day

“Baam, want to go shopping?”

It is a rare occasion for the team, to have an entire free day all to themselves. Of course, Khun would not let the opportunity go to waste. He will make sure Baam relaxes for once, after all the daily effort he puts in training and keeping them safe. Still, Baam looks surprised when he hears Khun’s offer. He stuttered a little when he answered affirmatively, and his hand felt a bit sweaty when Khun took it into his and led him outside the building that today serves as their hideout.

But why, though? Khun cannot comprehend it. Since when was Baam nervous about being alone with him? It is hard not to think about it as Khun walks side by side with Baam across town. The fact that now Baam seems relaxed and even excited makes everything even more confusing for him. Still, this is what Khun wanted in the first place, so it is okay even if it is strange. He will try not to think about it too much. He should concentrate in enjoying Baam’s company, and nothing else.

“I want to go there!” says Baam suddenly, dragging him from the arm. And Khun lets himself be led by this happy creature, into a sports clothing store.

Khun has noted that recently Baam has grown to be more prone to physical contact, at least with him. It is not so much; it only shows in little details such as this one. But since Khun’s heartbeat speeds up with every single one of those details, there was no way he would not notice. He does not show it on the outside, of course.

“Can I try this on, Mr. Khun?” Baam interrupts his thoughts by putting a mint colored tracksuit in his face. He seriously has stop getting distracted and focus on Baam.

“You don’t need my permission, Baam. You are the one with the money anyway; you can buy whatever you want.”

“Really? But I want to use my money for the team…”

Khun can only smile fondly at the look of guilt on Baam’s features. “Baam, give yourself a treat. And if for whatever reason you are short on income, Jinsung will use FUG resources to fund you again.”

“Ah!” Baam lifts a finger in the air, and looks even guiltier than before, as he bites his lower lip. “I wonder if Master will get angry if he knows I bought clothes for myself. He is the one who buys my clothes every season, after all.”

“You should be able to choose what you want to wear, Baam. You will certainly get him a little depressed, but whatever.” Baam seems a bit annoyed by his insensibility towards Jinsung, but then a chuckle escapes him nonetheless, so Khun continues speaking his mind. “Sometimes he has awful taste, you know. It’s best if you buy your clothes yourself, so they suit your preferences and not his. You are the one wearing them, after all.”

And what does Jinsung thinks he is? Baam’s sugar daddy? Khun has always been somewhat jealous about Baam’s relationship with Jinsung, especially considering Jinsung is one of the people responsible for Baam being separated from their team (from Khun) for more than six years, and still Baam cares for him so much. But Khun chooses not to say anything. After all, even if Jinsung was to blame, that man was also the one that persuaded FUG into allowing Baam to continue climbing the Tower with them. And Baam surely adores him as a father figure. Or least Khun wants to think Baam sees Jinsung as his substitute dad and not something else.

“I’m going to try it on then. Please wait here, Mr. Khun.”

He is thinking too much again, jeez. He is supposed to be relaxing on his free day, and instead he is thinking about unpleasant nothings. So Khun tries to keep his mind blank as he waits for Baam, but then other thoughts start lingering in his brain. Specifically, images of Baam changing clothes, just at the other side of this curtain. Khun will not peek, of course, he is not a pervert. But it is difficult to control his fantasies, as they emerge so spontaneously.

Khun shakes his head with so much energy he ends up a little dizzy. Great. At least he stopped imagining Baam naked before the effect of his fantasies manifested visibly on his body. That would be bad, really, really bad.

“I think I’m ready.” He hears Baam say at the other side of the curtain, making him focus on the situation at hand once again. “How do I look?”

Baam’s face timidly peaks out from behind before he crosses the curtain, and the image in front of him makes Khun’s heart race. It is so cute, Baam looks absolutely huggable and adorable in the mint colored tracksuit he chose. The fabric seems soft and warm, and it is a little oversized, but not too much so it would be uncomfortable for Baam. And it looks perfect on him.

“Don’t you think it looks like a pajama?” Baam says, looking at himself and then turning around in 360° to show it to him.

Khun cannot contain a chuckle. “Yeah, it does look a bit like a pajama, but it fits you so well. You look really cute.” Khun is not sure this is something one would say to a guy, and to your best friend, at that, but it is simply the truth.

And Baam does not seem to mind either. In fact, Baam looks quite happy to have been called cute by him. The smile he gives Khun makes the image even cuter. “Then I’m buying it!”

God, someday Baam will cause him a heart attack only by how adorable he is without noticing. At least he did not keep wearing the tracksuit after buying it, because Khun would not be able to concentrate at all with all that cuteness in front of him; he would only be able to think about how much he wants to squeeze Baam in a tight hug.

After that, they go into other stores to buy things for the team too, as Baam said he wanted to not only spend on himself, but also to give presents to everyone. Khun could not see what Baam bought for him though, as Baam said it should be surprise. But he did help Baam pick gifts for the others, even for those who are not currently traveling with them. Those gifts will be waiting inside Khun’s lighthouse, until they meet up again.

“It is like a dream, you know? Being here picking gifts for the people I love.” says Baam suddenly, when they stop at a coffee shop, to rest and have something to eat. “Not worrying about imminent battles, about someone getting hurt or killed…” A look of deep longing takes hold of Baam’s gold eyes as he watches through the window, into the clouds reflected in the ceiling. He continues speaking in a tired voice, with a tired smile, and Khun’s heart shrinks at the image before him. “But I guess it is just a dream, right? We can’t stay like this forever. We would need to live in an alternate universe if we wanted everything to be peaceful like this all the time. No Tower, no Jahad, no FUG, just us living a peaceful life together.”

“Baam…”

Khun reaches out for Baam’s hand and squeezes it with care, effectively bringing Baam back from his melancholic thoughts. He wants to say I’m sorry, even though he knows it is not his fault either. He shares Baam’s wish to be stronger, because if he is, then maybe he could provide Baam with the safe and quiet life he longs for. He could protect Baam and everyone Baam loves so he would not be sad anymore. So Baam would not torture himself for not being strong enough.

And Baam simply stares at him with eyes half open, the tired smile insisting on staying in his lips. “And here I am, being gloomy all of a sudden. I should enjoy the moment instead of feeling like this is the calm before the storm. Sorry, Mr. Khun. I’ll make sure to smile sincerely again, just… give a moment, please.”

He is trying hard; it is clear as day to Khun. Baam is forcing himself to seem happy and carefree, to smile as if nothing is wrong. But his smile is quivering, and his eyes are getting watery. Khun can feel tiny tremors run through Baam’s body and getting channeled through the hand that Khun is holding. He would do anything to see Baam’s real smile, but he is not strong enough yet to make Baam’s worries go away and give him the safe space he wants. He knows it better than anyone.

But he has to do something, anything, to make Baam forget and relax once again. “Here.” However, Khun does not think of anything better than taking a bit of his mont blanc with his fork and bring it to Baam’s mouth. And Baam seems to take the bite unconsciously, with an automatic movement, but then his eyes bright up when he tastes the sweet flavor. “Better?”

“Mmm-mmm.” Baam answers happily, with his mouth full of dessert. At least he is in a better mood now.

That’s right. Baam has to smile, he has to relax on their free day. Khun must help him think only of nice things.

So he takes Baam into a movie theater, to watch one of those romantic comedies Leeso recommended him long ago. “It might be awfully cheesy, but it can help you relax, man., since you are so stressed all the time.”, Leeso had said. Well, he was right, but Khun would still have chosen a different type of movie if he was to watch it alone. However, right now cheering up Baam is the most important thing. So he will sit through the movie even if it is stupid and boring.

That is what Khun had thought, but in the end he did enjoy the movie, maybe a bit too much. He ended up identifying himself a lot with the protagonist, with all the internal panic the man felt every time the girl he liked did something extremely cute. Of course, Khun hides his reactions much better that the silly protagonist of such a cheesy movie. Leaving that aside, Baam seemed to enjoy the movie too, which was his main goal, so it is okay, even if he feels a little ridiculous for identifying with someone so pitiful.

“It was great, don’t you think, Mr. Khun?”, says Baam suddenly, as they walk across the park, each with an ice-cream cone in hand.

“Yeah, it was silly, but entertaining at least.”

“I saw you tear up a little bit at the end, you know.” Baam laughs, not really making fun of him, as his voice sounds both playful and endearing. “I did too, by the way, so don’t feel embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed.” answers Khun in an even tone, hoping his face would not betray him by getting blushed.

“Of course not, Mr. Khun is always so cool.” He is not sure if Baam is still messing with him or if he said that seriously. Maybe both. Sometimes it is hard to tell with Baam. “Thank you for taking me on this date, Mr. Khun.”

Khun freezes up in that instant, almost choking with the ice-cream in his mouth. He turns to look at Baam, who is only smiling at him like he did not say anything outrageous at all. “W-what did you say?”

“I said I’m glad I went on this date with you.” Baam tilts his head to one side, completely innocent, unaware of Khun’s internal screaming. “Is there something wrong?”

“Baam… I just asked you to go out with me since it’s a rare day off. You don’t call that a date.” Well, it does sound kind of like a date when I put it like that, he cannot help thinking. But he has to correct Baam. Even after all this time, Baam still does not understand simple things like this, since he has been fighting and not socializing most of the time.

However, Baam looks surprised, and also a bit hurt. Did he want this to be a date? No, that cannot be. He must be imagining things. Wishful thinking, nothing more. “Huh? But when I went out with Miss Endorsi, this is what we did, and she called it a date.” Damn, Endorsi. Khun wanted to forget that she was the first one to have a date with Baam. “And I enjoyed myself when I was with her, of course, I like her.” If Baam did not say the next thing he said, Khun would have been dying inside from repressed jealousy. “But I enjoy being with you more, Mr. Khun.” Khun was starting to relax at last, when a tiny whisper escapes through Baam’s lips. “…I love you.”

That takes the cake. Khun becomes completely immobile when he hears those words and neither does he react when Baam approaches him slowly and give him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Baam…” His throat feels incredibly dry as only that name comes out of it. His heart is bumping hard against his chest. As always, though, he manages to look collected on the outside. Or at least he hopes he does. It is getting harder for him to accomplish at every passing second.

“I love you, Mr. Khun.” Baam repeats, as if he is unable to tolerate the silence anymore. “…Do you love me?”

Those honey-colored eyes look so hopeful, and Khun is afraid he might cast away the innocent sparkle in them. “Of course I love you, Baam. You are my best friend.”

“I didn’t mean as-”

“You don’t know what you are saying, Baam.” interrupts Khun, as he puts a finger on top of Baam’s lower lip, which Baam is biting slightly. “You are vulnerable right now, and of course you’d be with everything you are going through. Of course you need love, and I’m the one you are closest to. I can give you love if that is what you need, but you… You love everyone, Baam. You don’t love love me, Baam; you are confusing friendship with love.”

“I’m not-!” But then Baam gets quiet and looks at the floor, as if Khun’s words disoriented him more than his own. “I’m not confused…” he whispers weakly, and Khun can only give him a sad smile.

It is not Baam’s fault, he did not grow up in a normal environment, and of course he still gets a little confused with feelings and relationships. He did think this was a date, after all, only because this is what he did with Endorsi some time ago. Normal people would not have thought that way, since they are both guys, right?

“Let’s go back, Baam, okay?”

Khun takes Baam’s hand into his, and then leads him back to their rented house. He does not look back as Baam walks behind him, dragging his feet. Baam is being incredibly docile, even though he normally gets upset when someone questions what he thinks is the truth. Then he is indeed confused. He is not sure that he is in love with Khun, but that is okay for him. Khun is sure he is in love with Baam, he has been for a long time now, and he can be sure for both of them. And Baam can take his time to figure it out. And if he ends up finding out he is not in love with Khun and only likes him a lot as a friend, that is fine too. Khun can accept anything as long as Baam allows him to be by his side.

The pain in his heart will not go away though, but he can withstand it. Baam is the most important. He will always be.

“It was a lovely free day, don’t you think?” He says out loud, trying to distract himself. He hears Baam nodding audibly behind him, but the sound comes out a little shaky.

Damn, he should not have rejected Baam, but he cannot take advantage of his misunderstanding, of his innocence, of his vulnerability. When everything calms down, he will touch on the subject again, more carefully this time. However, Baam is right; they would need to live in an alternate universe for that to happen. Khun knows the battles and dangers will not end soon. Someday, someday Baam will not have to be starved for love and safety, and will be able to reflect calmly on his own feelings.

And maybe he will find out he did love Khun all this time.

That would be a dream. Too much wishful thinking. Is it too much wishful thinking to imagine being loved back by Baam? Not as he loves everyone else, but as someone special…

Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe he will found out when free days are the norm and not the exception.

And maybe that day will never come.

-END of Day 4-

[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBaam week 2022: Day 3

Este ya creo que será el último que pueda subir al día de este challenge :c Como dije en la publicación anterior, volví al trabajo y está mega bélico porque estoy sola en mi área desde hace un tiempo ya u.u Bue, ya veremos. Ojalá pueda hacer uno más aunque sea, aunque el siguiente sí tendrá diálogo (creo), no como estos, que por ser solo reflexiones o algo así son más fáciles de escribir. Y pos este es puro angst de Hidden Floor Viole, btw. Está basado en otro fic un poco más largo que quiero escribir (tendrá 2 o 3 caps), titulado "Play pretend". Ojalá pueda escribirlo en un futuro no tan lejano XD Perdóname, bebé Viole, me gusta mucho hacer sufrir a los personajes que adoro XD

*****

Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
 
Day 3: Secrets / Mirror

This is a secret between a man who is desperately in love, and a creature born from loneliness.

At least that is what Mr. Khun said when they began with all of this. That it had to stay a secret. “No one can know, especially not Baam.”, Khun whispered that night, a glint of madness in his eyes, clearly visible even in the dark.

Since Viole did not know anything about intimacy, he did not understand a thing when Khun proposed they should satiate each other’s needs. Khun would be able to let loose his desires for Baam, those he kept locked deep within. And Viole would get the company and affection he longed so much for.

But Viole is just a copy, a mirror of the original Baam. He was made by this floor solely with the purpose of killing his original self. He was not made to have relationships with anyone, let alone Baam’s best friend. Just a fake existence, trapped in a virtual world. And still, he could not say no when Khun offered such tempting agreement.

Just as the original Baam, Viole was completely ignorant about sex. Still, and again just like the original, Viole knew he loves Khun as much as his simulated heart allows him to. Therefore, he did not protest at all when Khun assaulted his mouth, marked his skin with nails and teeth, and claimed Viole for his own for the first time.

That time was particularly hard on him. His body melted in pleasure, yes, but it also seemed to have been split in half. After all, Khun would not spare any delicacy with a fake like him. All of his tenderness would be reserved only for the original. For a moment, those blue eyes were filled with heat and mad desire. But it would take only a second for them to turn cold as ice, piercing through him mercilessly.

Viole thought that, with each passing day, everything would be better, easier. And in a way, he was right. At least it was easier on his body, as he grew more used to Khun’s rough yet pleasurable treatment with every secret encounter. But was it easier on his heart? His simulated heart that loved Khun as much as the original’s. The answer was a robust… maybe? With each second they spent together, Viole found himself longing more and more for Khun’s affection, even though he knew perfectly well that that love did not belong to him. It was for the real Baam, and he is just a mirror, an illusory image that only served one purpose: for Khun to use him to vent his frustrations on.

And so what Viole waited for never arrived. He could not find the adoration he remembered being in Khun’s eyes every time he looked at the original. But since his memories were simply copied from the original, they did not feel as he was truly the one being gazed in that way. Jealous. He was infinitely jealous of the original. The one that had everything Viole wanted. The one who was not utterly alone. The one who had his own purpose, not something that a machine dictated for him. The one who had Khun wrapped around his finger.

Being a creature born as a mirror of Baam’s darkest stage in his life, he thought the only thing he knew was lonesomeness and neglect.

Driven by those feelings of envy, and after many nights of secret encounters with Khun, Viole suggests he could spill the secret the next time he goes to confront the original. He could not even finish the sentence, when Khun’s cold hands were already squeezing his neck. As his lungs became devoid of air and he felt a little light-headed, the look in Khun’s eyes became imprinted in Viole’s brain. Coldness, insanity and dread. It made Viole understand that, in Khun’s head, his relationship with Baam would be destroyed if his beloved knew how Khun used a copy of him as a sex toy. The pressure around his neck stopped just before Viole started losing consciousness.

So, should Viole expose their little dirty secret? He thought about it for a long time, but in the end, the conclusion was a simple and confident no. Yes, it is painful, everything about this situation hurts him badly, but whatever, he is used to the pain. He is the part of Baam that suffered daily after all, both physically and psychologically. But that part of his life was not only the loneliest, but also the one in which he was more desperate to keep his loved ones safe from harm. And most of all, he loves Khun. He will try to defeat the original, even if, just like Baam, he does not want to fight anyone. He has to, because that is what the program that brought him to life dictates. However, he will not expose Khun’s feelings, his mistakes. That is for him to confess to the original, when time is due. When he feels that it will not ruin their friendship. Someday he will notice Baam loves him as much as Khun loves him. How would Viole not know, if he feels the same way?

Someday, Baam will really have everything Viole dreamt of. If he could not have it, at least a part of him will be happy one day. Surely.

And Viole? He is meant to disappear into nothingness. When Baam decides to step away from the mirror that brought him to life, Viole’s image will fade. He can only pray for it to be quick and painless. That way, everything would come to an end. He would not have to suffer anymore. Because what meaning holds an existence as his own? And Khun will forget all about him in an instant, as he will not need him anymore. He seems to hate Viole, after all, or hate that he is a remainder of the time when they were apart, when he could not keep Baam safe and he had to go through everything alone.

Not that it is Viole’s fault, but what a copy feels is not important, of course.

And days later, when his battle with the original comes to a close and he starts getting absorbed by him, he closes his eyes and a lone tear slips across his cheek.

Please make him happy, Baam. I know you want to.

Goodbye, Mr. Khun.

-END of Day 3-

[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBaam week 2022: Day 2

Seguimos con el reto de la KhunBaam week de este año, y no creo que vaya a estar al día más allá de este día XD Hoy volví al trabajo, y volvió bien bélico D: Así que no tengo energía para mucho más que para releer esto que ya tenía escrito y publicarlo u.u

*****

Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
 
Day 2: Smile / Royal

At first, Khun simply acted on a whim. Apparently, fate had decided he would meet a boy with huge, innocent eyes, who was alone in the middle of an open field plagued with murderous intent. His trembling yet brave tiny figure was a very interesting sight. The boy looked so out of place. Why would someone like him enter the Tower and become a Regular? He is not fit to be here, Khun had thought back then. If no one protected him, he would die a premature and meaningless death.

And since Khun had nothing better to do, he approached this strange little creature. Even though for Khun everything was mostly dull and meaningless until then, this boy had managed to awaken his curiosity. He needed to know who this boy was, why he was here.

Baam… It was a fitting name on one hand, since the boy seemed to be sweet like a chestnut dessert. 

But on the other hand, who could ever think about night when looking at him? After all, Baam had a smile that could light up the whole room he was in, like some sort of miniature sun. Innocent. Genuinely filled with curiosity and love for others.

Protect. That was the word that started haunting Khun’s brain ever since he saw that face. He had to protect that precious smile, the only pure and beautiful thing in this hell they call the Tower.

However, Baam was like a magnet for other people, for those who loved him… and for those who hated him. For Khun, it was outrageous to think someone could ever hate someone as pure as Baam. But there were people who envied him… and people who wanted to use him. Because his sweet and caring personality, so out of place inside the Tower, was not the only thing that made Baam special. He was literally out of place. An Irregular.

And those people… those people destroyed Baam’s bright smile. The very thing Khun wanted to protect the most, with all his might… they shattered it into pieces.

When they met again, six years had gone by. The Baam he once knew was gone. Now, he went by the name Viole. His hair had grown past his thighs, and long bangs covered his once sparkling golden eyes. Baam was not the innocent, sunny boy he was when he entered the Tower. Not anymore. He was not weak and defenseless anymore either. Those people, FUG, had wanted to transform him into a killing machine. A God, capable of slaying the King of this Tower.

And Baam had grown strong, he indeed has. But at what cost? Khun would not care less about overthrowing Jahad and the Ten Families if that meant Baam could smile happily. But the world apparently did not want that. The world did not want Baam to be free, to live peacefully with his friends, as he has always wished for. Because the world was never at peace, and there were few people with power great enough to put an end to this eternal war. And of course, even though Baam was broken by those very same people and is just starting to himself back together, he is still the caring and infinitely pure boy he was when he entered the Tower. Of course he could not stand by and watch as other people suffered before him.

In Khun’s opinion, the world can go fuck itself if he can have Baam smiling every day. He can kill anyone for that smile. But Baam has a pure heart, which cannot not be truly happy as long as the people in the Tower are suffering. What can Khun do against that, if it was Baam’s pure heart what made him fall in love with him in the first place? Those bastards say Baam is a God that will slay the false King, and at first, Baam despised the idea. Of course he would not agree; Baam does not want to use his power to enslave or kill anyone.

But then again, at the Name Hunt station, Baam says in a whisper he does want to become a God, but for other purpose. A warm and cozy feeling takes hold of Khun’s chest when he hears exactly why Baam wants to be a God now. Baam wants it so that he can fulfill everyone’s wishes, so he can be someone who can make everyone safe and happy. In the end, Baam is more ambitious than anyone else in this Tower, but the nature of his ambitious was simply different. And that wish alone, even if Khun knows it will never become true, made Baam a God in Khun’s eyes.

So, if Baam wishes so, Khun will become his lighthouse, to guide him through the path of glory. He will become his soldier, who slays each and every enemy that dares to cross Baam’s way. He will be the one by Baam’s side when he ascends to new heights. And he will be the one to put the crown on Baam’s head. Because no one is more fit to be King than the one who wants to be the God that makes everyone’s wishes come true. Baam will be the star that shines even through the darkness of the night. And then, that smile will not only heal Khun’s heart. It will bright up the entire world. Right now, that is Khun’s dream.

-END of Day 2-

[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBaam week 2022: Day 1

Hoy comenzamos el reto de la KhunBaam week de este año, y esta vez trataré de participar en la misma semana o mes, o al menos no atrasarme mucho XD La primera vez que participé, el 2020, logré hacer cada vez el mismo día en que era, pero no sé cómo lo logré D: Y ahora que el trabajo cada vez me asesina más la energía y el tiempo, pos menos lo creo posible XD Pero bue, que aquí está el primer día. Tengo que arreglar mis otros fics para subirlos aquí también, btw.

*****

Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
 
Day 1: Myths / Rain

“You know, for a while now, every time it’s raining, you look kind of gloomy, Baam.”

As the two of them stand under the little roof of a closed store, Baam hears Khun’s voice amidst the sound of the heavy rain pouring down the streets. The town is deserted; only they were crazy enough to go shopping in this weather. Truth is, Khun had become tired of Rak whining about not having any bananas, and Baam volunteered to go get him some, but Khun apparently did not want him to go alone… and thus here they are now, taking shelter from the unexpected downpour.

“…Yeah, maybe you are right.”

However, Baam did not think that what started as a spontaneous and harmless adventure going out for groceries, would end up with Khun bringing this particular topic into their conversation. Going by the words he used, perhaps Khun wanted to ask him this for a long time now, but he could not find the appropriate moment to do it. Khun is right, though; Baam has noticed he indeed becomes a bit depressed when it is raining, and he knows why and when this shift in his mood started happening. Baam thought he was hiding it well though, but apparently Khun knows him too well to not notice. As expected from Mr. Khun.

“The change in your reactions is pretty recent.” Khun continues, probably because Baam did not give him a proper answer. “There was a time were you loved the rain. You used to go out into the rain on purpose; you played with it, used your powers on it.”

A warm feeling gets hold of Baam’s chest as he sees the smile full of tenderness and affection in Khun’s lips, nostalgia filling those cobalt eyes as Khun looks up at the sky. And then, his gaze turns serious, and the sudden change in his attitude startles Baam a bit.

“But then one day, you started staying inside, looking through the window with that face.” Baam turns to stare at Khun trying to look normal, but it seems it is in vain. As always, Khun can see right through his façade. “Yes, that look exactly, as if you want to stay calm, but deep down you are filled with insecurity.”

Baam can only sigh and smile sadly at Khun’s accurate remark. “As expected from Mr. Khun.” is the only thing he manages to say, in a tired voice.

After some seconds of silence, Khun speaks up again, his voice firm but cautious. “It started after we went through the Floor of Death, right?”

Ever so observant, his Mr. Khun. How could Baam ever think he would be able to hide something from Khun? Suddenly, a cold hand takes hold of Baam’s wrist for a moment, making him look in Khun’s way. Those sharp, deep blue eyes are looking at him with both apprehension and understanding. Damn, this is exactly what Baam wanted to avoid. He did not want to distress Khun with his futile worries.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” A quiet tone that invites Baam into a safe space, as only Khun can do for him.

“With the rain?” completes Baam, laughing softly, trying to make light of the thoughts that are invading his mind once again. “Nothing, really. I still like the rain to an extent.”

“But?”

Baam sighs again, staring at the drops falling into the puddles… like spears from the sky. “…Remember the story about how the Floor of Death became what it is today?”

“Of course I do. Before going to that floor, I only knew what everyone did, that some incredible disaster happened there and now no one lived there. There were some rumors about Enryu, but nothing accurate or convincing enough. Well, I’m not totally convinced about what we heard is the complete truth yet, though. A monster appearing out of nowhere to decimate everyone that lived in the floor, including the Administrator himself… sound farfetched, to say the least. Garam’s story was more like a myth or a legend.”

As the rain continues to fall, Baam’s eyes become glued to the puddles, to the drops piercing the earth, with more force at every second. “A myth, eh? It would certainly seem so, but I don’t think Miss Garam lied to us.”

“It’s not that I think she wanted to deceive us, but I don’t think she knows the complete story either.”

“…Maybe you are right.”

As dark thoughts take hold of Baam’s brain, his hands become a little sweaty, and suddenly feel unbearably empty, so he starts playing with his own fingers, intertwining them, then letting them loose, linking them again together and repeating the process all over again.

A tired sigh escapes through his lips, which feel kind of dry. “He is an Irregular, right? Mr. Enryu.”

“He is.” Khun answers and, by the tone of his voice, Baam knows he is a bit confused. But that is all Khun says. Maybe he is unsure if it is appropriate to say anything else, like he is stepping into a minefield with Baam in this state. Or maybe Baam is looking a bit too much into it.

“…Just like me, right?”

Through the corner of his eye, Baam can see Khun nodding slowly, and then gasping and turning around to look at him. So he noticed, huh? As to why Baam is so concerned about what they heard in the Floor of Death. However, Baam is not ready to confront Khun face to face. So, he does not turn around and simply continues staring at the rain with empty, golden eyes.

A sad smile paints his still dry lips. “Irregulars are monsters; everyone thinks so. That is why no one can know I’m an Irregular too. Isn’t that right, Mr. Khun?”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Khun opening his mouth to say something, but then he closes it immediately, probably waiting for Baam to continue.

So Baam continues, the game of intertwining his fingers not stopping for a second. “Mr. Enryu created a terrible legend because his power was too strong, so strong he managed to kill an Administrator and everyone in the whole floor. Miss Garam said red shinsu fell down from the sky, destroying every living being. Like blood rain…”

“Yes, that is what she said, but Enryu wanted to kill everyone, he did it on purpose.” Amidst the rain, Khun’s voice sounds a little impatient. Great, he is troubling Mr. Khun again. “He wanted to kill Jahad’s followers for disgracing Arlene’s home, didn’t he? Of course Jahad’s followers would judge him as a monster, even though they got what they deserved.”

“Leaving aside the topic of someone ever deserving death or not,” Baam says, and he hears Khun huffing, which makes him chuckle a little. However, the thoughts he is having do not let him smile for much longer. “what if he didn’t want to do something like that? Miss Garam said Mr. Enryu gave the people the chance to flee if they wanted to, to betray Jahad and save their lives, but no one actually lived to tell if that was true or not.”

“That is probably because Jahad’s army pursued the survivors and killed them, so no one would know the truth.”

A quiet whimper escapes Baam’s mouth, and he is grateful that the loud sound of the rain seems to have drowned it. “That is what Miss Garam thinks too, but…” He has to say it. He needs someone to understand. He needs Khun to understand, even if it is stupid on his part. “…But what if it’s not true? What if Mr. Enryu’s powers went out of control when he saw what those people have done with mom’s lands?”

“Baam…”

He cannot stop himself now. The words simply flow across his chest and into his mouth, with him unable to suppress them. “Maybe he was just upset… so unbearably angry and hurt, that his power reached a point in which just… exploded.”

His fingers stop linking between themselves only to do a gesture of a tiny explosion, accompanied with a low bang sound. Then, the game of linking his fingers together resumes and gets a little more intense, causing him a bit of harm. Baam does not stop, however.

And the words keep flowing. “It happened to me at least once in the past, when Rachel made clear she betrayed me, that she didn’t want to be near me.”

He can feel Khun’s movement right next to him; a hand that attempted to reach out for him, but ultimately hesitated and declined the effort. And Baam remains still, trying to keep himself together, only his hands moving endlessly, and his eyes glued to the grey skies above.

“I was so hurt, so heartbroken. I wanted her to disappear, so she wouldn’t hurt me anymore.”

His golden yet dull eyes turn to stare at the streets once more, into the drops melting into big puddles. But Baam is not really seeing the image in front of him. What he is seeing is far away, it is Rachel’s upset and, at the same time, afraid expression. Baam shakes his head, shaking off the image as well.

With a tiny, sad smile, he continues. “No, I wanted to disappear, so I wouldn’t feel anything anymore. And then everything started to overflow. My feelings, my power.” The movements of his fingers stop for a moment, and he stares at the palms of his hands. Not really seeing, but feeling. Feeling his own power threatening to come out, to betray Baam and steal everything that is precious to him. “It didn’t come out as tears, for some reason I was unable to cry. It simply came out as energy… murderous energy.”

That is when Khun apparently stopped hesitating, because his hand now did reach out for Baam, grabbing his arm and making Baam face him. However, Baam simply flinches in place, not daring to look at Khun. “Baam, stop.”

An order, stern but caring. The type of tone Khun knows he has to use when Baam is in this state. This is not the first time he has been drowning in self-harming thoughts, and both know it will not be the last either. “What if I do something like that too?”

“You didn’t harm anyone that time, and you won’t do it in the future either!”

“How…? How can you be sure about that?” Khun’s hand now lifts his chin, so Baam cannot hide his own face anymore. The concerned look Khun gives him is enough for Baam to spill the few tears he had been holding in the corners of his eyes. “I’m not as powerful as Mr. Enryu, that’s why I haven’t done anything like that. But if… But if not even Mr. Enryu, who has so much more experience than me, can control his own powers when he is deeply upset, how would I be able to do it?”

Now Khun pulls Baam into a tight embrace, leaving Baam’s cheek resting in his left shoulder. A soft whimper escapes Baam’s lips once again, and he closes his eyes, feeling the strength leaving his body. “Especially me, since I’m so easily distressed…”

“Shh… don’t think anymore. I’m here, ok?”

Khun’s low voice sounds so comforting against his ear. Baam knows Khun cannot say for sure nothing bad is going to happen. So he does not say anything of the sort; Khun will not lie to him. Baam hugs him back, burying his face against the curve of Khun’s neck and allowing himself to melt into his frosty scent.

“What if… what if I create my own myth? The myth of a new monster, of my own rain of disaster… destruction… death… blood…”

The words keep coming to his head, tormenting him. Images of his own self decimating people. People who may or may not be innocent, but Baam does not care about that. He simply does not want to hurt anybody. He just wants to live in peace, with his friends. Just a little, simple wish he may never have fulfilled.

“You will never become a monster, Baam; you don’t have it in you.” Khun takes Baam’s face between his hands, and leaves a soft kiss on his forehead, then rests his own forehead against Baam’s. His blue eyes are closed, so Baam does the same. “You are different from Jahad, the Family Leaders, and all the other irregulars. You are as ambitious as they are, yes, but your ambitions are different. They are so pure. You are so pure.” Another kiss, now on his right cheek. And now Khun’s forehead rests against Baam’s neck. And Baam can feel his cheeks burning up a little. “And even if you are right, if Enryu were like you, didn’t want to harm anyone and his power went out of control, then…" Baam cannot help shrinking in Khun’s arms a little at those words. “Then it would have been because he was alone, because he didn’t have anyone to calm him down, to make him feel safe… I will never let you become a monster, Baam. Never.”

“Mr. Khun…” is the only thing that slips out of Baam’s sore throat. He wants to cry against Khun’s chest, but the tears do not come out. Khun’s frosty aroma has once again calmed down the sobs that want to overflow from within. Khun, always his anchor to earth.

“Do you trust me?” Baam nods as best as he can, being imprisoned against Khun’s chest. “Then forget all about Enryu and the blood rain, ok? I want you to look at the rain as you did before, full of innocent delight.” He lets out a chuckle, as Khun lifts his chin once again, blue eyes against his own honey ones. “I have an idea: if it’s still raining when we get back, we can play under the rain, the three of us, as we used to. We will need to dress up for the rain though; I don’t want you to get sick. And neither the alligator, he is a pain in the ass when he feels bad.” Baam giggles again. Khun is always looking after them, as the team dad he is. “Would you like that?”

Baam separates himself from Khun slowly, not really wanting to break contact, so he takes Khun’s cold hands into his own. “Of course, I would love that, Mr. Khun.”

“It’s settled then.”

Thus Khun starts walking back to the place they are staying at, not letting go of Baam’s hand. And Baam is glad, because his turbulent emotions are just beginning to subside. It is all thanks to Mr. Khun. Even if the rain might still evoke unwanted thoughts in him, it will also remind him of this, of Khun’s unshakable support and care.

Thank you, Mr. Khun. I really love you.

However, those words do not come out. Maybe another time, when he is feeling better, when Khun does not think he is just confused and vulnerable. But just like his power threatens to come out when he is distress, his other emotions will have to be exposed someday too, right?

Baam tightens his hold on Khun’s hand, and the other looks back, probably to make sure he is okay. The warm smile Baam gives back must have reassured him, because Khun answers with the very same gesture. “Let’s hurry. The alligator must be torturing everyone because we are late with his snacks.”

Baam’s laughter gets muffled by the rain, but it does not matter. He knows that, as long as he is with Mr. Khun, everything will be alright.

-END of Day 1-