Por fin termino otro día de este challenge, y pos, para que se sepa, solo podré escribir los fines de semana, porque en la semana tengo muy poco tiempo libre, y lo que tengo de tiempo libre lo uso en jugar Fall guys, porque el cerebro no me da para más. Me quedo dormida si trato de pensar bien en algo XD Este es más fluff que nada, aunque al final se pone un poco más depre, pero ni tanto.
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Collection for KhunBaam week 2022
by RPMizu
Day 4: AU / Free day
by RPMizu
Day 4: AU / Free day
“Baam, want to go shopping?”
It is a rare occasion for the team, to have an entire free day all to themselves. Of course, Khun would not let the opportunity go to waste. He will make sure Baam relaxes for once, after all the daily effort he puts in training and keeping them safe. Still, Baam looks surprised when he hears Khun’s offer. He stuttered a little when he answered affirmatively, and his hand felt a bit sweaty when Khun took it into his and led him outside the building that today serves as their hideout.
But why, though? Khun cannot comprehend it. Since when was Baam nervous about being alone with him? It is hard not to think about it as Khun walks side by side with Baam across town. The fact that now Baam seems relaxed and even excited makes everything even more confusing for him. Still, this is what Khun wanted in the first place, so it is okay even if it is strange. He will try not to think about it too much. He should concentrate in enjoying Baam’s company, and nothing else.
“I want to go there!” says Baam suddenly, dragging him from the arm. And Khun lets himself be led by this happy creature, into a sports clothing store.
Khun has noted that recently Baam has grown to be more prone to physical contact, at least with him. It is not so much; it only shows in little details such as this one. But since Khun’s heartbeat speeds up with every single one of those details, there was no way he would not notice. He does not show it on the outside, of course.
“Can I try this on, Mr. Khun?” Baam interrupts his thoughts by putting a mint colored tracksuit in his face. He seriously has stop getting distracted and focus on Baam.
“You don’t need my permission, Baam. You are the one with the money anyway; you can buy whatever you want.”
“Really? But I want to use my money for the team…”
Khun can only smile fondly at the look of guilt on Baam’s features. “Baam, give yourself a treat. And if for whatever reason you are short on income, Jinsung will use FUG resources to fund you again.”
“Ah!” Baam lifts a finger in the air, and looks even guiltier than before, as he bites his lower lip. “I wonder if Master will get angry if he knows I bought clothes for myself. He is the one who buys my clothes every season, after all.”
“You should be able to choose what you want to wear, Baam. You will certainly get him a little depressed, but whatever.” Baam seems a bit annoyed by his insensibility towards Jinsung, but then a chuckle escapes him nonetheless, so Khun continues speaking his mind. “Sometimes he has awful taste, you know. It’s best if you buy your clothes yourself, so they suit your preferences and not his. You are the one wearing them, after all.”
And what does Jinsung thinks he is? Baam’s sugar daddy? Khun has always been somewhat jealous about Baam’s relationship with Jinsung, especially considering Jinsung is one of the people responsible for Baam being separated from their team (from Khun) for more than six years, and still Baam cares for him so much. But Khun chooses not to say anything. After all, even if Jinsung was to blame, that man was also the one that persuaded FUG into allowing Baam to continue climbing the Tower with them. And Baam surely adores him as a father figure. Or least Khun wants to think Baam sees Jinsung as his substitute dad and not something else.
“I’m going to try it on then. Please wait here, Mr. Khun.”
He is thinking too much again, jeez. He is supposed to be relaxing on his free day, and instead he is thinking about unpleasant nothings. So Khun tries to keep his mind blank as he waits for Baam, but then other thoughts start lingering in his brain. Specifically, images of Baam changing clothes, just at the other side of this curtain. Khun will not peek, of course, he is not a pervert. But it is difficult to control his fantasies, as they emerge so spontaneously.
Khun shakes his head with so much energy he ends up a little dizzy. Great. At least he stopped imagining Baam naked before the effect of his fantasies manifested visibly on his body. That would be bad, really, really bad.
“I think I’m ready.” He hears Baam say at the other side of the curtain, making him focus on the situation at hand once again. “How do I look?”
Baam’s face timidly peaks out from behind before he crosses the curtain, and the image in front of him makes Khun’s heart race. It is so cute, Baam looks absolutely huggable and adorable in the mint colored tracksuit he chose. The fabric seems soft and warm, and it is a little oversized, but not too much so it would be uncomfortable for Baam. And it looks perfect on him.
“Don’t you think it looks like a pajama?” Baam says, looking at himself and then turning around in 360° to show it to him.
Khun cannot contain a chuckle. “Yeah, it does look a bit like a pajama, but it fits you so well. You look really cute.” Khun is not sure this is something one would say to a guy, and to your best friend, at that, but it is simply the truth.
And Baam does not seem to mind either. In fact, Baam looks quite happy to have been called cute by him. The smile he gives Khun makes the image even cuter. “Then I’m buying it!”
God, someday Baam will cause him a heart attack only by how adorable he is without noticing. At least he did not keep wearing the tracksuit after buying it, because Khun would not be able to concentrate at all with all that cuteness in front of him; he would only be able to think about how much he wants to squeeze Baam in a tight hug.
After that, they go into other stores to buy things for the team too, as Baam said he wanted to not only spend on himself, but also to give presents to everyone. Khun could not see what Baam bought for him though, as Baam said it should be surprise. But he did help Baam pick gifts for the others, even for those who are not currently traveling with them. Those gifts will be waiting inside Khun’s lighthouse, until they meet up again.
“It is like a dream, you know? Being here picking gifts for the people I love.” says Baam suddenly, when they stop at a coffee shop, to rest and have something to eat. “Not worrying about imminent battles, about someone getting hurt or killed…” A look of deep longing takes hold of Baam’s gold eyes as he watches through the window, into the clouds reflected in the ceiling. He continues speaking in a tired voice, with a tired smile, and Khun’s heart shrinks at the image before him. “But I guess it is just a dream, right? We can’t stay like this forever. We would need to live in an alternate universe if we wanted everything to be peaceful like this all the time. No Tower, no Jahad, no FUG, just us living a peaceful life together.”
“Baam…”
Khun reaches out for Baam’s hand and squeezes it with care, effectively bringing Baam back from his melancholic thoughts. He wants to say I’m sorry, even though he knows it is not his fault either. He shares Baam’s wish to be stronger, because if he is, then maybe he could provide Baam with the safe and quiet life he longs for. He could protect Baam and everyone Baam loves so he would not be sad anymore. So Baam would not torture himself for not being strong enough.
And Baam simply stares at him with eyes half open, the tired smile insisting on staying in his lips. “And here I am, being gloomy all of a sudden. I should enjoy the moment instead of feeling like this is the calm before the storm. Sorry, Mr. Khun. I’ll make sure to smile sincerely again, just… give a moment, please.”
He is trying hard; it is clear as day to Khun. Baam is forcing himself to seem happy and carefree, to smile as if nothing is wrong. But his smile is quivering, and his eyes are getting watery. Khun can feel tiny tremors run through Baam’s body and getting channeled through the hand that Khun is holding. He would do anything to see Baam’s real smile, but he is not strong enough yet to make Baam’s worries go away and give him the safe space he wants. He knows it better than anyone.
But he has to do something, anything, to make Baam forget and relax once again. “Here.” However, Khun does not think of anything better than taking a bit of his mont blanc with his fork and bring it to Baam’s mouth. And Baam seems to take the bite unconsciously, with an automatic movement, but then his eyes bright up when he tastes the sweet flavor. “Better?”
“Mmm-mmm.” Baam answers happily, with his mouth full of dessert. At least he is in a better mood now.
That’s right. Baam has to smile, he has to relax on their free day. Khun must help him think only of nice things.
So he takes Baam into a movie theater, to watch one of those romantic comedies Leeso recommended him long ago. “It might be awfully cheesy, but it can help you relax, man., since you are so stressed all the time.”, Leeso had said. Well, he was right, but Khun would still have chosen a different type of movie if he was to watch it alone. However, right now cheering up Baam is the most important thing. So he will sit through the movie even if it is stupid and boring.
That is what Khun had thought, but in the end he did enjoy the movie, maybe a bit too much. He ended up identifying himself a lot with the protagonist, with all the internal panic the man felt every time the girl he liked did something extremely cute. Of course, Khun hides his reactions much better that the silly protagonist of such a cheesy movie. Leaving that aside, Baam seemed to enjoy the movie too, which was his main goal, so it is okay, even if he feels a little ridiculous for identifying with someone so pitiful.
“It was great, don’t you think, Mr. Khun?”, says Baam suddenly, as they walk across the park, each with an ice-cream cone in hand.
“Yeah, it was silly, but entertaining at least.”
“I saw you tear up a little bit at the end, you know.” Baam laughs, not really making fun of him, as his voice sounds both playful and endearing. “I did too, by the way, so don’t feel embarrassed.”
“I’m not embarrassed.” answers Khun in an even tone, hoping his face would not betray him by getting blushed.
“Of course not, Mr. Khun is always so cool.” He is not sure if Baam is still messing with him or if he said that seriously. Maybe both. Sometimes it is hard to tell with Baam. “Thank you for taking me on this date, Mr. Khun.”
Khun freezes up in that instant, almost choking with the ice-cream in his mouth. He turns to look at Baam, who is only smiling at him like he did not say anything outrageous at all. “W-what did you say?”
“I said I’m glad I went on this date with you.” Baam tilts his head to one side, completely innocent, unaware of Khun’s internal screaming. “Is there something wrong?”
“Baam… I just asked you to go out with me since it’s a rare day off. You don’t call that a date.” Well, it does sound kind of like a date when I put it like that, he cannot help thinking. But he has to correct Baam. Even after all this time, Baam still does not understand simple things like this, since he has been fighting and not socializing most of the time.
However, Baam looks surprised, and also a bit hurt. Did he want this to be a date? No, that cannot be. He must be imagining things. Wishful thinking, nothing more. “Huh? But when I went out with Miss Endorsi, this is what we did, and she called it a date.” Damn, Endorsi. Khun wanted to forget that she was the first one to have a date with Baam. “And I enjoyed myself when I was with her, of course, I like her.” If Baam did not say the next thing he said, Khun would have been dying inside from repressed jealousy. “But I enjoy being with you more, Mr. Khun.” Khun was starting to relax at last, when a tiny whisper escapes through Baam’s lips. “…I love you.”
That takes the cake. Khun becomes completely immobile when he hears those words and neither does he react when Baam approaches him slowly and give him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Baam…” His throat feels incredibly dry as only that name comes out of it. His heart is bumping hard against his chest. As always, though, he manages to look collected on the outside. Or at least he hopes he does. It is getting harder for him to accomplish at every passing second.
“I love you, Mr. Khun.” Baam repeats, as if he is unable to tolerate the silence anymore. “…Do you love me?”
Those honey-colored eyes look so hopeful, and Khun is afraid he might cast away the innocent sparkle in them. “Of course I love you, Baam. You are my best friend.”
“I didn’t mean as-”
“You don’t know what you are saying, Baam.” interrupts Khun, as he puts a finger on top of Baam’s lower lip, which Baam is biting slightly. “You are vulnerable right now, and of course you’d be with everything you are going through. Of course you need love, and I’m the one you are closest to. I can give you love if that is what you need, but you… You love everyone, Baam. You don’t love love me, Baam; you are confusing friendship with love.”
“I’m not-!” But then Baam gets quiet and looks at the floor, as if Khun’s words disoriented him more than his own. “I’m not confused…” he whispers weakly, and Khun can only give him a sad smile.
It is not Baam’s fault, he did not grow up in a normal environment, and of course he still gets a little confused with feelings and relationships. He did think this was a date, after all, only because this is what he did with Endorsi some time ago. Normal people would not have thought that way, since they are both guys, right?
“Let’s go back, Baam, okay?”
Khun takes Baam’s hand into his, and then leads him back to their rented house. He does not look back as Baam walks behind him, dragging his feet. Baam is being incredibly docile, even though he normally gets upset when someone questions what he thinks is the truth. Then he is indeed confused. He is not sure that he is in love with Khun, but that is okay for him. Khun is sure he is in love with Baam, he has been for a long time now, and he can be sure for both of them. And Baam can take his time to figure it out. And if he ends up finding out he is not in love with Khun and only likes him a lot as a friend, that is fine too. Khun can accept anything as long as Baam allows him to be by his side.
The pain in his heart will not go away though, but he can withstand it. Baam is the most important. He will always be.
“It was a lovely free day, don’t you think?” He says out loud, trying to distract himself. He hears Baam nodding audibly behind him, but the sound comes out a little shaky.
Damn, he should not have rejected Baam, but he cannot take advantage of his misunderstanding, of his innocence, of his vulnerability. When everything calms down, he will touch on the subject again, more carefully this time. However, Baam is right; they would need to live in an alternate universe for that to happen. Khun knows the battles and dangers will not end soon. Someday, someday Baam will not have to be starved for love and safety, and will be able to reflect calmly on his own feelings.
And maybe he will find out he did love Khun all this time.
That would be a dream. Too much wishful thinking. Is it too much wishful thinking to imagine being loved back by Baam? Not as he loves everyone else, but as someone special…
Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe he will found out when free days are the norm and not the exception.
And maybe that day will never come.
-END of Day 4-
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