[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBam week 2020: Day 5

Y sigo al día! Dios, no puedo creer que lo esté logrando y que ya solo me queden dos días más TuT Igual los caps están como el hoyo, pero es lo que hay XD Ya los arreglaré algún día si me da la gana. Este volvió a ser más cortito, después de lo largo que me salió el día 4 XD

*****

Collection for KhunBam week 2020

by RPMizu

Day 5: Loyalty / Confession

Even after being betrayed by that blonde bitch, Bam still chased after her, like a loyal puppy. And that girl rejoiced in his affection, took advantage of it, and mocked him in the face for it. Khun never will be able to forgive her for that. How did she dare to ignore Bam, to look down on his love for her? Khun despises Rachel with all his heart, and only wants her to disappear, to get trapped at the first floor, forever unable to climb the Tower in order to see her dear stars. She totally deserves that or worse. She harmed a real star, after all, one that’s so bright Khun wouldn’t even dream to have for himself.

Well, at least not until he saw a real chance of his love being reciprocated. If that second betrayal from Rachel’s part and all they went through in the Hell Train were useful for something, it was for Bam finally noticing and accepting than Rachel just wasn’t worth it. Sure, he still cares for her enough to try to stop her from hurting and manipulating other people, but he doesn’t want to get her back like before.

“Rachel… Goodbye.”

And now, Bam properly told Rachel he won’t follow her anymore. Khun wasn’t surprised when Bam said she looked annoyed, even if she kept saying she didn’t want Bam to go after her. It was obvious she did wanted Bam following behind, for whatever sick purpose she had. But Bam was pushing her aside, in favor of his friends, the ones he wanted to protect and wouldn’t betray him like she did.

Khun regretted not being there to rub it Rachel’s face. But now it was time for Khun to be proud of him, to compliment Bam for his accomplishment, which he knows it was probably the hardest for him until now. It breaks Khun’s heart to see Bam’s sad smile though, with a few tears getting caught up on his eyes as he is telling him about that moment. So, since it’s just the two of them now, Khun hugs him close, letting Bam lay his head on top of his lap. Bam doesn’t cry though, just lays there and relaxes to Khun petting his hair.

“You did well. I’m so proud of you.”

“I was able to do it because of you. Our team taught me what loyalty really is. It’s not like you have to be loyal because you are expecting something else in return, but you must receive the same thing back, or the other person will keep hurting you and the ones you love. I was ok with her hurting me. I would have kept chasing after her nonetheless, hoping she would go back to the way she was before, at the cave. But I can’t risk you guys, who have done so much for me and deserve my loyalty much more than her.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t deserve you, Bam. I knew it from the start, but her actions have done no other than prove me right. It’s ok to let go of the ones who hurt you, even if they are your family.”

“That’s the thing.” Bam gets up, his golden eyes staring straight into Khun’s. “You are my family now. Since I don’t family any genetic relatives, I get to choose my own family, right? I choose you all.”

Khun’s heart warms up at those words, and he has to suppress the urge to simply kiss him right there. If only Bam knew what he does to him, how much his innocent affection for him means to him.

“I feel honored, my little god.”

Bam blushes a bit. He did say he would get to the top of the Tower and change it, meaning he is, at some capacity, striving to become a God. Khun still doesn’t approve of Bam trying to do everything for other people, not taking his own needs and feelings into account, but at least he can joke about it and vent his concealed sexual attraction for him at the same time.

“And I’m glad Rachel is starting to lose her place as your most important person.”

“Yeah, she is… I think you’re moving to that spot now.”

God, Khun knows Bam is saying that platonically. He is just grateful Khun is always there for him, and probably likes him as much as the rest of his friends.

“I like you so much, Khun-san. You are the smartest, most beautiful person I ever met.”

But it’s torture, pure torture. Who could ever blame him for having wishful thinking? Bam is sincerely expressing his sense of friendship towards him, nothing more, but Khun can’t help but want it to mean something more.

“Do you like me too, Khun-san?”

So innocent, staring at him with those wide eyes and smiling expectantly. So cute, Khun can’t take it anymore.

“Like you? I love you, Bam. You don’t know how much I love you.”

He said it. He finally said it. After years of trying to hide his feelings, for fear of scaring and losing Bam, he finally confessed his feelings. I was incredibly easy too. He just needed to let the words flow directly from his chest. Why did he torture himself like that through all those years? It seems so foolish now, like the crocodile once said.

But he instantly remembers why he was hiding those feelings, why he thought he would frighten Bam if he knew about them. The answer is in front of him. Bam is simply smiling at him, his expression having not changed at all. Bam is just happy he is liked by him. He doesn’t get what Khun loving him means. And it’s frustrating, so much that Khun doesn’t realize in time that he should have taken a step back, take advantage of Bam being clueless and leave his words as a simple declaration of friendship and nothing more.

“Bam, don’t you get it? I’m love with you. I want to be with you forever.”

“Me too! I want to be with you forever, Khun-san!” Bam says with a wide smile, enthusiastically bouncing a little in the bed. Khun almost facepalms himself at Bam’s charming but irritating cluelessness. He wants to beg him not to say any more things that can be misinterpreted like that one.

“I want to kiss you.” If it’s going to be like that, then he will have to be blunter. “I want to have sex with you. I want you to be my lover.”

That seemed to be effective. Bam looks like he has become frozen. Then he seems to be trying to express his confusion verbally, but no word comes out of his mouth.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” Khun gets close to him, taking one of Bam’s hands between his. His face is now millimeters away from Bam’s. Khun can sense how Bam clearly wants to get away, but he doesn’t dare to do it. He is paralyzed. Khun doesn’t stop though. “I want to take your lips again and again.” Bam can only stare at Khun’s lips as he continues to whisper to him. “I want to push you down right now and fuck you senseless. I want to make you mine” His lips are brushing Bam’s now, and it’s almost impossible to resist temptation, but he manages to do it somehow. “Do you understand now?”

Bam nods slowly, completely in shock. The only thing at moves is his eyes, which shift between Khun’s whispering lips and deep, lustful, yearning blue eyes.

“Good. And what do you have to say about it?”

“I… I don’t know… I don’t think I fully understand it.” Bam manages to whisper back, his accelerated hot breath descending on Khun’s mouth.

“Do you love me too? Do you feel the same?”

“I do love you, but I don’t know… if it’s in the same way…”

Those words stab Khun’s heart, even if he already had concluded that would be the case. Bam loves everyone, but surely doesn’t know the difference between various types of love. Khun lowers his gaze, and Bam looks immediately worried. This is exactly what he tried to avoid. Bam worrying about him, being afraid of him. So, changes the perspective, hoping this would make Bam feel safer and less confused, at least a little bit.

“Don’t worry, I already thought that would be the case. You don’t have to answer right now.” Khun takes Bam’s hand to his lips, leaving a soft kiss there. “You only have to know that I love you and that I will be with you as long as you want me to. I will never betray you, I will never abandon you. I can promise that to you.” Another kiss in the back of his hand, and he can feel Bam trembling a bit. Their eyes meet, and Bam’s cheeks are painted a light pink. It’s so cute, Khun can’t help getting close and brush his lips against Bam’s again. “I pledge my eternal love and loyalty to you, my god.”

Bam closes his eyes, seemingly waiting what Khun was obviously going to do, but Khun doesn’t move. “Huh?”

When he opens them again, totally confused, Khun laughs softly. It’s a deeply sad laugh. “I won’t kiss you. I won’t do anything to you. Not yet. Not until you can give me an answer, until you learn about the nature of your own feelings. If you end up not loving me back, I will still be here if you want me to, and we both will forget about this. But if you do love me, then…” He gets even closer, and deposits a kiss in the corner of his mouth, purposely avoiding those appetizing lips. “Well, you’ll have to wait and see.”

And with that, he goes out of Bam’s room, probably leaving him completely astonished. Khun leans his back on the door, after closing it behind him. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his own heart. He managed to act cool in front of Bam until the very end, but now his heart is beating so hard is hurting him. Why? Why didn’t he back down on his confession when Bam didn’t understand it yet? It would have been easy, but seeing Bam being so clueless frustrated him to no end. He had thought of taking his feelings to his grave. It was obvious Bam wasn’t going to reciprocate them, so why? Why did he confess? Why did he make clear the nature of his romantic, sexual, possessive feelings for Bam? Now it’s too late. He will have to live with it.

The next morning, he meets Bam at the hallway. Endorsi is with him, enthusiastically telling him something she probably thinks it’s important, but Bam isn’t paying attention to her. He is staring into space. However, when he finally sees Khun, he comes to a halt. Endorsi may not notice, but Khun clearly sees Bam’s body shiver a little, just before he gives him an awkward smile and a nod before running away. Endorsi gets furious at Bam for leaving her behind for no reason, and follows him immediately.

And Khun is frozen there. Bam is avoiding him, is feeling awkward in his presence. Is confused, afraid. Is distancing himself from Khun. Everything Khun feared the most. He wants to slap himself for being so foolish, so weak. Will he have to leave Bam now?

I will be with you as long as you want me to.

I pledge my eternal love and loyalty to you, my god.

No, he shouldn’t draw conclusions so soon. He wouldn’t leave Bam if he doesn’t want him to. Until Bam says he doesn’t want Khun near him anymore, Khun would be by his side.

I’m sorry, Bam. I will stay silent. I won’t frighten you anymore. If you need time, I will give it to you.

It’s too late now. Khun can only regret ever confessing his feelings. But what he will never regret is promising Bam his love, his absolute loyalty. Khun would gladly die for Bam, and will surely live for Bam. Should he feel relieved he doesn’t have to hide at least that anymore? Maybe, but it will be harder to keep silent about his other feelings, his other desires. He will endure it, though. He has to. He will make Bam comfortable around him again.

God, I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me, Bam.

Can I still hope for your love?

Only time will tell.

-END of DAY 5-