[Fanfic] Tower of God - Collection for KhunBam week 2020: Day 6

Este ya es el penúltimo día de la semana de KhunBam, y me siento muy orgullosa de haber logrado estar al día hasta ahora. Si realmente logro terminar hoy el del día de hoy, ahí sí que me voy a felicitar a mí misma (porque nadie más lo va a hacer por mí :c XD). Sería el logro máximo, loco~ Ya, aquí está el día 6, que es cortito igual c:

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Collection for KhunBam week 2020

by RPMizu

Day 6: Eyes / Dreams

“Like you? I love you, Bam. You don’t know how much I love you.”

After Khun confessed his love for him, Bam tried really hard to act as normal as possible around him. It was difficult during the first week, however, Khun’s presence felt naturally comfortable, which made it much easier for Bam to stop being cold to him. During those days, Khun also distanced himself from Bam, probably wanting to give him some space. But Bam doesn’t need that. Sure, Bam needs time to figure out his own feelings, but to do that he also needs to be near Khun. So, he started approaching Khun again, smiling at him, sometimes taking his arm or going to visit him in his room at night. At least he figured out he didn’t want Khun away from him, regardless of his feelings being the same as Khun’s or not.

“Bam, don’t you get it? I’m love with you. I want to be with you forever.”

Are they the same, though? Bam really likes Khun, probably even more than the rest of the team. He feels so relaxed around him. When Bam has an achievement, Khun is the first one he seeks in order to get his approval, and his compliments make him the happiest. He is also the first person he looks for when he needs advice or support. That means he likes him, that he is best friend, right?

“I want to kiss you.”

That alone doesn’t mean he likes Khun the way Khun likes him, right? Khun said he wanted to kiss him, to be more than friends. Bam doesn’t really understand what that means, but at least he knows kissing on the mouth and having sex are things you only do with the one you are attracted to in a way friends or family don’t like each other. Things you do with your lover. Does Bam want to do those things with his best friend? When Khun approached him, his lips almost touching his own, Bam was incredibly nervous and confused, but he didn’t want to push him away like Khun himself told him to do. Did he want to be kissed by him? Did he feel frustrated when Khun didn’t do it?

“I won’t kiss you. I won’t do anything to you. Not yet.”

The answer came to Bam some days later, when he kept thinking so much about his own feelings for Khun that he started having dreams about Khun. Bam woke up in the middle of the night, having dreamt about Khun visiting him at night, his eyes shining in amidst the shadows, filled with lust. In his most recurring dream, Bam would sit up in his bed, wanting to welcome him into his room, but Khun would push him down on the bed, lay on top of him, his lips brushing his own in the same way they did when Khun confessed his love.

“How can you be so sexy when you are so clueless?”

Khun’s words echo in his head, from when he sensually licked the blood from Bam’s legs. That time, Khun didn’t kiss him either, but in Bam’s dreams he did. He kissed him until Bam’s lips end up swollen and red. His weight on top of Bam felt so natural, and made him feel so at ease. But it also made his body temperature rise uncontrollably.

“I want to take your lips again and again.”

After having those dreams, Bam has to admit he wants it too. Does that mean he also wants the other things Khun did to him in his dreams? Khun would make their hips rub against each other, while he caressed his entrance with just two fingers, on top the clothes or below them. Then Khun would take him, penetrate deep inside Bam’s body and make him tremble with pleasure, never breaking eye contact. Khun would ride hard him until he loses consciousness.

“I want to push you down right now, and fuck you senseless. I want to make you mine.”

It was a fact. Bam wanted Khun to take him for himself. He wanted Khun to fuck him like he said he wanted to. So he likes Khun, he feels at ease with him, values Khun’s feelings and wants to be by his side forever. He is also attracted to Khun, wants him to kiss him, to have sex with him. Alright, then all that meant he loved Khun? He felt something was still missing. He just wasn’t sure yet if it was the same.

However, things changed for them yet again. Khun was betrayed by Icarus, or better said Rachel, and went into a coma. Everything happened so fast, and Bam’s heart was broken into pieces. Rachel had betrayed him yet again, even when he said he wouldn’t bother her anymore. His Master was kidnapped and almost killed. Khun couldn’t be by side. Bam found himself suddenly alone, yet again. Like when he was at the cave, before Rachel found him. Like when he was with FUG, training incessantly day by day.

“You have no idea what you do to me.”

Yet the dreams haven’t stopped. They only started mixing between the same wet dreams, and new dreams of loneliness, of Khun dying before Isu’s team could bring him back to health. Dreams of Bam being alone in that cave again, no ray of light coming from the surface anymore. Those cunning blue eyes, which turned loving only in Bam’s presence, couldn’t see him anymore. Bam is trapped in the cave again. He feels so alone he can’t breathe properly, even when his other friends are constantly trying to support him. He stays strong in front of them, not wanting to make them worry. But after the hellish training he is putting himself through every day, in order to become stronger and prevent something like his to happen again, and also in order to distract himself, to not go crazy, he simply goes to his own room, shuts the door and waits, completely still, for time to pass, hoping with all his heart Khun would wake up soon.

“I won’t kiss you yet. I told you already.”

Despite his constant dreams, the truth was that Khun hasn’t kissed him yet. In all these lonely months, he found the thing that was missing when he was analyzing his feelings before, when Khun was still awake. He doesn’t see Khun as only a friend. He loves his company, more than anything else’s. He also wants Khun to be his lover, to share a bed, to sleep cuddling into him, to kiss, to have sex. He wants to share his whole life with Khun. The desolation he is feeling right now was the missing piece in the puzzle. He wants Rachel not to hate him. He wants his Master back, safe and sound. But most of all, he can’t live without Khun by side anymore. It’s unbearable.

“But if you do love me, then… Well, you’ll have to wait and see.”

“I do love you back, Khun-san.”

Bam has yet to tell Khun he also loves him. Why did he have to be so slow in figuring it out? As punishment, he will have to wait for long, long months until Khun comes back into his life. Bam desperately wants to see what Khun would do if he knows Bam loves him back.

But right now, Khun is not here, and Bam feels like he is in the eye of a hurricane. Everything has stopped around him, staying still, suspended in midair. It makes Bam feel empty inside. Without Khun, the storm in his heart won’t end. All of his unbearable loneliness and yearning won’t subside until he is able to see himself reflected in those sapphire eyes once more.

How much more will he have to wait for that to happen?

For Khun, he will wait. He will have faith. Khun promised he wouldn’t abandon him, after all. And Bam believes in Khun blindly. Khun will come back and will never leave him again. Khun will be proud of him for withstanding all of this solitude. And Bam will finally tell him he loves him as much as Khun loves him.

Bam repeats it, like a mantra.

He will endure. He will be strong. He will endure.

-END of DAY 6-